Imprompt-humor

Gul Dukat* says:
If you could be a member of any band, which band would you choose and why?

Dave says:
kiss

Dave says:
look at gene simmons

Gul Dukat says:
you would be part of kiss!?

Gul Dukat says:
Gene Simmons, despite the massive amounts of play, is still a dirty old jew who looks like a walking gunt.

Gul Dukat says:
what would be your second choice?

Dave says:
well if we're talking personal fulfillment

Dave says:
probably U2, since you can just sit in the background, not do anything, and still be a pompous jackass

Dave says:
and be worth hundreds of millions of dollars

Gul Dukat says:
Despite the ridiculously handsome Larry Mullins Jr. I couldn't stand to be near someone called Bono or Edge..

Dave says:
THE edge, thank you very much

Dave says:
and do not speak ill of the edge

Gul Dukat says:
"Hi, I'm Larry Mullins Jr. This is Bono, and that's THE Edge"..it sounds like the introduction to a circus act where Bono and THE Edge are small Russian bears on tricycles

Dave says:
or a liberal arts college play

Dave says:
"bono and the edge"

Gul Dukat says:
ok, what would be your third choice?

Dave says:
red hot chili peppers

Gul Dukat says:
Good choice.

Dave says:
because you'd be badass to at least 3 different generations

Dave says:
i suppose the stones would be similar

Dave says:
but they all aged horribly

Gul Dukat says:
Poor Charlie Watts looks like something a level 60 Necromancer conjured from the depths.

Dave says:
what would be your top 3

Dave says:
please don't say BJM

Gul Dukat says:
No, as cool as it would be to see Anton kick someone in the head, I don't want to be a homeless junkie

Gul Dukat says:
I think I would like to have been a founding member of Mayhem, so I could tell people that I WAS THERE when Death killed himself and Euronymous ate his brain and made the skull necklace, only to be killed by Count Varg in a fit of jealousy with a Viking Knife, either because of the skull neklace or a 16 year old virgin.

Gul Dukat says:
I'd finish the story each time by saying "and THAT was how Death Metal started, and I was THERE man"

Dave says:
did you just type that so you could tell me that you read the mayhem biography?

Gul Dukat says:
...

Gul Dukat says:
yes.

Dave says:
if you were a founding member, you would either be the eater, eaten or murdered

Dave says:
or murderer

Dave says:
that's not so great

Gul Dukat says:
or a 16 year old virgin..

Dave says:
true

Dave says:
next?

Gul Dukat says:
In all seriousness, I think I would have like to be in the Smashing Pumpkins. Everything up to and including Melancholy and the Infinite Sadness was brilliant in my opinion, and the music had some awesome guitar stuff. Afterwards I can tell everyone Billy Corgan is a jackass.

Dave says:
so basically, you'd like to be in bands just to tell people that you were in them after the fact

Gul Dukat says:
Next, probably AC/DC. It's simply an honour to be in a band with someone who can riff Thunderstruck while hopping around the stage on one leg. Seriously, that's fucking Jesus.

Dave says:
I'm not so sure even Jesus could pull that off

Gul Dukat says:
true thing, true thing

Gul Dukat says:
Lastly, and it would change depending on the day, but today it would be Velvet Revolver.

Gul Dukat says:
It's an awesome take on stadium rock and, with superb musicianship and solos galore. It's the kind of stuff bands that seem to be getting all the radio play are oblivious to.

Gul Dukat says:
Seriously, can Billy Tallent face melt? Once Slash/Angus Young/Dave Mustaine/insert shredder here die, who will take their place as high priest of the God's of Rock?

Dave says:
i gotta say, that brown guy from sum41 can shred

Gul Dukat says:
Dave Baksh? Yeah, I haven't really heard much of him letting loose though.

Gul Dukat says:
The guys you and I idolize, their all old man.

Gul Dukat says:
It's like 2 generations went by where no one artist defined themselves as epic guitar soloists.

Dave says:
frusciante won't die

Dave says:
he's too high to die

Gul Dukat says:
haha

Gul Dukat says:
true

Gul Dukat says:
the collective soul guy is good too, actually

Gul Dukat says:
and as much as I don't like Creed, I'll give that dude credit..whatever his name is..

Dave says:
this conversation is over.

*This individual chose to remain nameless, for self-googling reasons. I can understand their position; when the only things that come up when you google your own name are insane ramblings from angry racists, I'd be hesitant to give my name too. He chose the name Gul Dukat though, which means Laver probably knows who it is anyway.