Dave Chung: In a Mirror, Darkly

There's this thingy called the internet. People use it for school, some for sports, and some for various miscellaneous tasks (porn). However, everyone, without exception, loves to Google themselves. And I'm not talking about what you do under the sheets in the wee hours of the night, whimpering in the dark while listening to My Chemical Romance. No, I'm talking about experiencing the sheer joy of living your life through people who coincidentally share your name but have infinitely better lives than you do. I mean, LOOK AT THESE GUYS!


1. Dave Chung, Professional Artist.
Apart from his Dance Dance Revolution addiction, (wow, a korean guy playing DDR. Way to shatter those stereotypes, jackass. What's your starcraft guild called?) he is quite possibly the coolest incarnation of me. I've spent 4 years on 3/4 of a shitty degree that will teach me how to bore people with my knowledge of operant conditioning, while this guy makes a living drawing pieces of toast. And to top it all off, he goes by "The Chung". Damn you, The Chung. I want a "the" before my name.


2. Dave Chung, Photographer extraordinaire.
"Wait a minute, The Dave," you might be asking. "I thought you said these Daves are cooler than you. He's a MySpace troll. All he does is surf around and creep on people's pages." Very true. But at the end of the day, people will eventually read what he has to say and look at his pretty pictures. No one will ever see what is written on this site. Except my Sister (hi). He also gets bonus points for having the cutest motherfucking avatar I've ever seen.


And finally, we get to the real reason I wrote this post:

3. Dave Chung, Professional Magic: The Gathering Champion.
Jesus Christ. MAGIC THE GATHERING?? Everyone knows that it's hands down, the greatest professional sport in the history of the universe. This man is my hero. I collected Magic cards a long long long time ago, and all I remember is that I always lost to this little brown kid. Badly. This guy is badass. Look at this little excerpt from the link above:

Chung's deck is three colors—he had to pull good cards wherever he could find them. He does have a Butcher Orgg but its triple red in the casting cost could be prohibitive with three types of land to draw on. "How's your deck — rock solid?" asked Rietzl as they got underway.

Chung shrugged, "It got me here..."

You're fuckin' done, son! You can't test Dave and the butcher orgg. Anything that's triple red in the casting cost is triple death in the hands of Dave Chung. And his comeback? "It got me here..."? Fucking epic. But the beatings had just begun.

Chung used Erratic Explosion on the 3-toughness soldier, which prompted a "How lucky!" from Rietzl when Needleshot Gourna was flipped over.

"I have heard that phrase quite a bit today," grinned Chung.

Fuck. This Dave is like Clint Eastwood meets Confucius. Each of his comments are like the words of God himself:

"Which bomb is under there?"
"I remember you..."
"Yup! Once again a NICE selection!"

And after all was said and done...

Chung Smothered the morph that attacked last turn—it turned out to be Exalted Angel—and then Scatter Shot the Legionnaire. Everyone agreed that he targeted the wrong creatures with each spell but the result was the same...

Dave Chung ground into US Nationals and exorcised the ghosts of past feature matches.

... And on the seventh turn, he rested.