If ignorance is bliss, then IMDB must be heaven

I'm an overbearing, pretentious snob when it comes to music, movies and even video games. Thus, I am obligated to insult anyone whose opinions I find to be dumber than (different from) mine. And what better place to find a wide variety of stupid opinions than the Internet Movie DataBase. Over the course of a week, I took a look at the dumbest message board posts I found while creeping hot actress pages. Er. For research. Um. Yeah.

As always, my brilliant commentary in Red.

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(Regarding the movie Lake House) "im sorry if someone already posted one like this but i wanted to know if someone could actually explain the movie to me .. i have seen it twice and still dont understand it .. i feel like whoever wrote it just tied it all together in the end to make the audience happy .. i mean dont get me wrong i LOVED this movie .. one of my FAVORITES but i just dont understand it ? can someone help pleasee ? thank you"

I know just what you mean! I don't understand any of my favorite books, but me reading Dostoevsky makes me look like a fucking genius!

And on a side note, The Lake House is one of your FAVORITES what else is up there, Sweet Home Alabama?

... Andrew?

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(Regarding the as of yet unmade Batman 2 Teaser Trailer) "How do you guys think the teaser should be? More joker focused or what? Describe wha you'd like to see."

Response: "Do NOT show the Joker in the Teaser atleast clearly but end it with the sound of him manical frightening laughter."

Congratulations, you've just made the most vague yet generic fucking teaser trailer ever. Also, I don't know what a "manical" is, but I assume that laughter that would frighten one would be frightening indeed.

That's right, I made fun of someone's spelling. Can't stop the rush, baby.

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(Regarding Pirates of the Caribbean) "Hi gollin4 i am from the Bahamas my name is ingrid i am also trying to find the key grip guys who i gave the name and the idea too for the movie pirates of the caribbean i remember a few years back when i met these kite fylers here in the Bahamas and we discuss what movie i think they should write and release i also told them to remember me if they ever did it so i could be compensated for giving them this whole new direction an movie idea. i even recommeded them shooting it here in the Bahamas. if i could get terry, jerry or teds
number or e-mail i could confirm this. if you can help e-mail me back. sorry i lost or misplaced threre key grip business card.

I'm sorry lady, even after putting aside the fact that those kite fliers that you met were more than likely just some random guys that were high off their tree, there's still the fact that a "Key Grip" has nothing to do with coming up with the name or plot of a movie. He just moves shit. Although you recommending shooting the movie in the Bahamas was a way better idea than their original plan of filming the movie in Winnipeg. But hey, I'm a reasonable guy. I'm willing to believe that you gave them the idea for the movie as soon as George Lucas finally admits that I gave him the idea for Star Wars. Bastard.

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Give me ur oppinion: Do I look like [Paris Hilton]??

I don't know about looking like her, but since it's quite obvious that you're an attention whore, and dumb as a table, it's my "oppinion" that you act like her.

Oh yeah, and no, you don't look like her.

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(Regarding Hilary Duff) Every teenager on a disney show doesn't have ANY experience to begin with, and ends up being famous BECAUSE so many little naive teenagers watch the dumb shows and bug their parents to get them posters and stuff and then the celebrities become rich and famous and then become singers even if they suck!!!

its the same cycle for every single person who gets on disney shows just cuz they look the part!!!! hilary duff is the best example i can think of!!!!!!!

Yes, definitely. Attractive people getting all the attention and fame. Definitely a huge problem with Disney shows. Disney shows and.... everything else?

it ticks me off that many TALENTED teenagers are still working hard while ppl like hilary duff get it easy because they just got on a show because of their looks!!!

Talented teenagers working hard? I don't think many people consider bitching about more talented people a talent.

the only thought that gives me comfort is that once the world gets smarter and once hilary duff is an adult she'll be working at mcdonalds, trust me.

The only thought giving you comfort? Well good luck with that one. She's worth God only knows how much money. So unless McDonald starts paying a few mil a year, I'm pretty sure you won't have to worry about her stealing your job at the drive-thru window.

srry to all the fans but its the hard truth.

Condemning people getting roles because of their looks sounds less sincere when they're coming from someone who has god knows how many posts on the Ewan MacGregor and Johnny Depp IMDB pages (hprules479).

And you're right, Hewlitt-Packard does rule. Four-hundred seventy-nine times.

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(Bashing Arrested Development) I have seen the first couple of episodes in a row (there goes your cintinuity argument) and a couple in the middle and the and i would have to say that the writers of this show have the same sense of humor as the writers of the amierican pie movies. Wow one of the characters was faking being blind. Then she got sprayed in the face and really became blind.(LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL1!!!!) or when tobias thought that the party had a pirate theme and he joined the gay protesters that were protesting his own family(What are the odds?LOLOLOLOLx50) or when when that douchbag caught his nephew kissing his sister and he was like"dad will be crushed" but he was talking about his actual dad who was hidden under the house(Who would've thought that would happen LOLOLOL) Face it this show is the stupidest show on telivision.

Key points:
1. While it is a delightfully overused acronym, "LOL" does not get your point across. It only makes you look ignorant and 12.
2. The examples of un-funny moments that you picked only show that your understanding of "comedy" is pretty shallow. An oversized Banana Peel slipping on a shoe is the kind of humor that you will never be able to enjoy.
3. Writers of the American Pie movies? ... huh?

He then proceeds to talk about his own personal tastes:

My favorite comedy shows on right now are American Dad and the Colbert Report. A couple of shows that I liked when they were on are The Andy Dick Show, Strangers with Candy, TV Funhouse, Cartoon Sushi/Liquid Television, Upright Citizens Brigade,and the Simpsons(during the 90's, not now).

Andy Dick Show? TV funhouse? Cartoon Sushi? Never mind... these feelings of loathing and disgust are slowly being replaced by pity. You're not a jackass that only likes shows that no one has heard of, you just have bad taste. But hey, if juvenile/sophmoric humor is your sort of thing...

But besides those shows, the rest of that list looks like Michael Moore's TiVo. Bush bashing is soooo passe. Unless you're talking about Gavin Rossdale. That guy is the anti-christ.

Oh and by the way, REAL original with the 90s Simpsons. My name is Dave and I breathe and drink water.