How I Made an Ass of Myself. Part 942.

Before you read this post, allow me to let you in on a few interesting pieces of information:
Fact #1. I had an exam at 9:00am on April 19.
Fact #2. I am in worse shape than your grandma.
Fact #3. I hate being the center of attention.
Fact #4. Allergies SERIOUSLY dry your sinuses.
Fact #5. Apparently, there are no bathrooms in the Biological Sciences Building.

Now that that's out of the way, here's my story:

April 19, 2006.
7:15am: Alarm goes off. Snooze button.
7:30am: Alarm goes off. Snooze button.
7:45am: Alarm goes off. I wake up and take a quick shower.
8:10am: After fancying myself up, I hop in the car, confident that I'll be on time. Note fact #1.
8:20am: Making good time, only 5 minutes away from the U.
8:30am: Starting to worry, only 5 minutes away from the U.
8:40am: Yelling at chinese lady, only 5 minutes away from the U.
8:45am: Pull up to parking lot just in time to see 12 cars in line for a parking permit. Again, note fact #1.
8:57am: Parked, pens and pencils in hand, walking (note fact #2) reasonably quickly to class.
9:05am: I make it to the classroom. Unfortunately, the door is locked. I knock on the door, which opens to a rather irritated professor. As I sheepishly walk into the classroom, and everyone in the room looks up at me. Note fact #3.
9:07am: As I sit down, some blood rushes to my head. Note fact #4. As I desperately try to stop the flow of blood onto my exam sheet, I wonder if I can tough it out through the exam.
9:08am: I ask the TA for a kleenex. The TA looks at me with a look of sheer horror and points at the door frantically. As I hand my bloodied scantron sheet and test booklet to her, I leave the room and begin my search for a bathroom. Note fact #5.
9:22am: After walking all the way to the bathroom in CAB, I make it back to class. The door is locked again. Knock knock. Prof is even more irritated, he says he had to throw away my scantron because it was covered in blood. He gives me a new scantron sheet. The same bloody test booklet though. As I take my seat again, the girl sitting next to me gives me a really dirty look. What's her problem? As I pull down the desktop thingy, I notice that it's a lot bloodier than when I first sat down. A lot like her sleeve. Whoops.


Epilogue: After I finished the exam, I waited outside the classroom for the chick I had just bloodied and offered to pay for any drycleaning or anything like that. She was actually surprisingly good-natured about the whole thing and refused to take my money insisting that "shit happens".

And the exam? Despite feeling a little lightheaded, it went okay, finished the course with a C+.


Moral of the story: If you ever need to cheat on your exam, punch yourself in the nose and "go to the bathroom."