Dave's Musical Educational History - or - Dave's Rampant Failure of a Post Ep.2

Everyone goes through different phases of musical tastes.

Now here's where there's supposed to be a snappy, introspective intro. You're not gonna get one.

I was originally gonna write reviews of music from all phases of my life.. childhood, adolescence, um... everything else... but that didn't work out. Mainly because then I'd lie a lot. I doubt too many people are going to believe I was listening to Mother's Milk when I was drinking it too.

So instead, you're going to get my top 3 musical recommendations from my elementary life, my junior high life, and my high school life.

Enjoy.


For Your First Steps into the Real World: (AKA Elementary Dave)

1. Greenday - Dookie.
All the songs are delightfully simple. No facemelting riffs to blow your mind, this album is like your ideal introduction to pop-punk-ska-(add additional prefix here)-rock. The simplicity is the biggest selling point, and ironically makes the music much more profound than its simple 3 note bassline would lead you to believe. The music is catchy enough that at the tender age of 11, one doesn't even notice the fact that "Longview" is a song about masturbation. But it has a kickass bassline.

2. The Offspring - Smash.
You stupid dumbshit goddamn motherfucker.
Do I really need to say any more?.

3. The Presidents of the United States of America - The Presidents of the United States of America.
These guys may have been one hit wonders, and they may have sucked ass, but even after ten years, I still can't get "Peaches" out of my head. I didn't know what the song meant then, I sure as hell don't care now. See Also: "Lump".


The Fag Years: (AKA Junior High Dave)

1. Our Lady Peace - Clumsy.
Angst-ridden, "Canadian", and horrendously whiny, this album paralleled my junior high years. The distressed warbling of Raine Maida almost made you forget that you were living a mediocre life with mediocre problems and made you believe that every little stupid shit problem you had was worth whining about in your own little journal of thoughts. (or blogs. ooooh... self deprecation)

Hey, was it just me, or was everyone ridiculously pro-canadian in junior high? Everyone watched hockey, everyone had some kind of novelty item with "Canada, Eh?" or some other propaganda etched on it. Yay, Canada, I live there! I also live on saddleback road. I didn't see too many "Saddleback Road, eh?" shirts around.

Anyway, this album had it all. In fact, I think I'm gonna go download it now.

err... purchase... at... 2:12am...

fuck you.

2. Nirvana - Nevermind.
A no-brainer.

Literally.

Honestly, how many people actually understood the lyrics of any of the songs when they were blaring it on their bright yellow Sony Walkmans? Not one of you.

But if you did, you were that creepy kid in the corner that smelled funny.

You probably also had anger problems.

3. Backstreet Boys - Millenium.
That's right, Backstreet Boys. Nothing says horny prepubescent melodrama like this shitrag album. Despite the fact that these motherfuckers were the originators of the Boy-Band movement of the late 90s (New Kids on the What?) they were quickly outclassed in every respect by their predecessors. Their musical "talent" by N'Sync, their ability to sell albums with formulaic drivel by 98 degrees, their sappy love-song pouty music and outstretching-of-the-hand choreography by Westlife (who, by the way, took a giant shit on Extreme with their "remake" of "More Than Words" which was basically the exact same song, in a higher falsetto, with a new refrain.) But the reason this album makes the list is that it was the last legitimate album I've purchased. Ever.

But you know what? Everyone claims they hated BSB, but I still secretly mouth the words everytime I hear "I Want It That Way". I'm sure you do too.


Hi, School. Blechno and Krap.

1. Some Strange Japanese Album I've Blocked Out of My Memory.

2. Some Strange Korean Album I've Blocked Out of My Memory.

3. Some Strange Techno Album I've Blocked Out of My Memory.


... Now let's never speak of high school again.




And let's never speak of this blog post again either.