WTF of the Week #3

Just when you think the world can't get any weirder...




Brad Pitt riding a tricycle, firing a machine gun.

Pure genius.

The following takes place between 12:38am and 12:43am.

I really don't know what to put here.

I just wanted to put in the title, just so people know how fucking great "24" is.

If I wasn't such a towering symbol of traditional manliness and heterosexuality, I would make love to Kiefer Sutherland.




Uh... I mean, isn't Jessica Alba fucking hot?



Musical Recommendation: Royksopp - The Understanding (2005): I don't understand it, which is what makes it great in an ironic sort of way.



Which brings us to...


I Love Clone High.

Movie Review: The Aristocrats

Penn Jillette walks into a movie executive's office. He says to him, "Man, do I have the perfect movie for you."

The talent agent groans, and says, "Oh no, not again. I've seen your 'magic' acts, and they're complete crap."

Penn says, "No, just hear me out, this time its different. Picture a movie where we interview 100 comedians and ask them their takes on the 'Aristocrats' joke. But here's the catch: half of them aren't comedians. We'll have idiots like Andy Dick, Carrot Top, and some shitty mime giving crappy takes on this time-honored institution of the comedy business!"

"But you're not even a comedian, you're a shitty magician," the agent says.

"Hear me out. We'll splice footage together haphazardly, hoping that the jokes will string together on their own. Teller and I can even include ourselves in the movie, so we can pretend to be shitty comedians on top of being shitty magicians! We'll spend a retarded amount of time on making the editorial staff of the onion look like complete morons, while limiting potentially interesting versions of the joke - for example, Chris Rock's take - to a 15 second clip. Bob Saget will actually be one of the highlights of the film! We'll destroy any sense of tradition built up in the industry, just so we can fill up our pockets with cash!"

The agent is horrified. "Dear god... what's the name of the movie?"

Jillette smiles and states proudly, "The Aristocrats."





All kidding aside, the movie was a very interesting documentary about the Aristocrats joke. I just hate Penn and Teller.

Rating: *** (out of five)

Strange Names -or- WTF of the Week #2

Diet Dr Pepper Cherry Vanilla.

HUH?? A drink with a Prefix and two Suffixes? Strange.

And Just so you know, it tastes as bizarre as it sounds. Sorta like someone made you eat a whole shitload of cherries, and wash it down with diet dr pepper vanilla.

EDIT: I realize that "prefix" and "suffix" are not the correct word in this situation. I sincerely apologize for any confusion this may have caused.

Morons.

Um. That's all.



Oh! Listen to The Arctic Monkeys. Good stuff.

The Status.... Que?

"Why is your blog so funny, Dave?" I often pretend to hear people ask. The answer is quite simple. The key to a "funny" blog is self-loathing and blatant plagiarism. It's good to have a healthy mix of the two. In every one of the posts I've done so far, I've done nothing but hate upon my boring life and rip off virtually everything I've ever read or heard. Is this post in the same vein as the others?

Fuck no.

My life is a little less boring, and a little more original. Despite not doing a lick's work during the entire winter break - be it academically or professionally - I was pleasantly surprised by the number of things that have semi-gone-right in my life in the two weeks previous.

1) I am now a supervisor at the Movie Studio. Goodbye, crappy resume.
2) I am now level 60 in World of Warcraft. Goodbye, University Degree.
3) On the topic of university, I threw together the most ghetto winter 2006 schedule in september last year, yet I still ended up with no classes on MWF, 4 courses, and a FS class with no textbook (not to mention the easiest required watching movie list) and all the prerequisites I need for next year.
4) A GST rebate check. Hurray for free money.
5) Dole Juice in a Can. I love Dole Juice in a can. It's the same amount of liquid for twice the price, but five times the fun!
6) An obscene amount of Mandarin Oranges in the fridge.
7) A Motorola RAZR. You know, so I can wait for the calls that never come... In Style!
8) My Sleeping patterns have normalized, relatively. I now sleep at 2-3 am and wake up at 10-11am. Incredible!
9) Interjections!
10) Exclamation Marks!


Fear not, all you Dave-haters out there, I haven't done anything to deserve this kind of great luck.

And we all know Karma's a bitch.

Have a good trip, see you in 6 months man.