I Hate 18 Year Olds...

I was looking through some old CDs that I had found in a shoebox under my desk and found a backup CD full of my old documents from a few years ago. I managed to find most of my old blog entries back when I was a not-so-fresh faced lad out of high school.

But the problem was.. well, you can see for yourself what the problem was. I dug up a post I made 3 years ago almost to the day. So without further ado, here it is:

(Editor's Note: These will appear throughout the post as Dave at 21 critiquing Dave at 18. They did not appear with the original post.)


Late Night with Dave Episode 9: Them Crazy Asians
Asians - or AzNs as some pubescent and mildly retarded asian people like to type - are a strange group of people. While I don't appreciate AzN pride in any way, shape or form, (Editor's Note: For not liking "AzN" pride, you seem to use the word AzN a lot.) I do have a bit of a morbid fascination with it. What can we truly be proud about? Let's have a look, shall we?

Asians were the first intelligent monkey-men. (Editor's Note: where the fuck did this idea come from? I can't believe I actually found an article about this.) This should come as a surprise to few. How many times have you been jealous of that one nerdy asian kid with the suspenders who sits in front of you and gets 100% on every math exam? Never, for me, because I was that asian kid. (Though I assure you, I only wear suspenders now for special occasions.) (Editor's Note: Just so you know, I've never worn suspenders in my life, I failed both Math 31 and 113, and I don't think I've ever gotten 100% in anything.) But is this something that you, an asian, can truly be proud of? If so, you're fucking retarded. were you around 45 million years ago? Have you ever met an 45 million year old asian monkey? I'm pretty sure most of those monkeys at Joint aren't 45 million years old. they can barely pull off 18. The point is, how can you be proud of something you had ABSOLUTELY nothing to do with? So what if korea came close to winning the world cup? why are you celebrating? Did you help train them? Did you sponsor them? you didn't even grow ONE grain of the 50 tons or rice they've eaten in their boring, japanese-cloned lives. Fuck koreans. (Editor's Note: Wow.)

Asian Men cannot and SHOULD not grow facial hair. (Editor's Note: Haha, showed you..) No matter how much we want to. That dirty stache you had when you started going through puberty notwithstanding, you will never be able to grow noticable facial hair. Don't get me wrong, I wish I could grow a goatee. A REAL one. But it's not to be. I grow 3 hairs on my face. LONG hairs. hairs that curl and envelop my face. It's quite remarkable actually.

Asian Women don't age. Lets face it. that cute chick on the street? could be 35 for all you know. (Editor's Note: MILF!) them asian ladies look like they did as teens, with a curly perm-fro. On the surface this is a good thing. you could have a 39 year old wife who looks as youthful as ever. But there's a catch, which i'll define as my second Davfinition (Editor's Note: Davfinition? what the fuck was I on?):Asian Shrivel, The - a condition present in most asian females which causes massive wrinkling and rapid aging around 40 years of age.As soon as the big 4-0 hits, that face shrivels up faster than a salt water fish in fresh water (PLEASE tell me someone understands that analogy). (Editor's Note: Considering the analogy is in reverse, I would hope not.) then you're left with a raisin who nags and yells at people in their native language.

I wish i had more to write about, but i didn't know what i was getting into. I thought i could make this intellectual, but i gave up after the first one. (Editor's Note: Or you gave up before you even started.) Goddamn i'm sick. I'm off to drink some neo citran.

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Well, that was terrible. Hopefully I've matured as a person as much as I feel I have as a writer. The writing in this post was juvenile, and I used a shitload of words that I barely understood in order to seem intelligent. I used racism and angry ranting as a substitute for humor, not realizing that the only people who would find it funny were people that were as immature as I was. After reading this over I came to a realization.

I don't hate asian people anymore.



But I do hate 18 year olds.



Weekly Recommendations:
Music: MADDEN 06
Why: Shut up. Go play Madden.

Movies: MADDEN 06
Why: Why are you still here?