A Dog Bit My Foot Today...

Day 5 of this miraculous wondervirus I've contracted. Why is it a wondervirus you ask?

I'll chart the evolution of this stupid cold/food poisoning/fever/demonspawn disease from my recollection of each of the five days I've been afflicted.

WARNING: THE FOLLOWING POST GOES INTO SOME DETAIL ABOUT MY BOWEL MOVEMENTS. YOU MAY WANT TO SKIP THE FOLLOWING IF YOU HAVE SOME RESERVATIONS ABOUT POO.

haha. I said poo.


Day 0 (Friday, August 5): Cheap Drunkeness.
After spending an hour at Original Joe's with Gugens and Dave Jang (3 daves!), I got unusually buzzed off a beer and a rye and coke. A hint of a sickness? Most people would enact some sort of countermeasures to try to prevent the onset of disease. Sleeping with heatpacks, drinking lots of fluids, sleeping in, etc.

I slept in the nude.

I ate, but didn't drink anything.

I woke up after 6 hours.

Day 1 (Saturday, August 6): Stomach Flu-ish.
I woke up to feeling an intense muscular pain. Very unusual, considering my lack of muscles. I figured it was a semi-hangover. But my head was fine and my eyes were as white as mormons. Still, I couldn't help but feel something bad was going to happen in the coming days. I had an unpleasant surprise in the bathroom later.

The Runs.

After the dam broke, my stomach was in constant upheaval. My body was threatening to expel waste either upstairs or downstairs for the entire day. And because fate has such a wonderful sense of humor, I remembered I had to be at work in about 20 minutes. I decided to shower as quick as I could, and pray my stomach would be strong enough to keep me socially acceptable.

Thankfully, I managed to get through a 6 hour shift, a birthday BBQ, and a 10 minute car ride home, to make it home in time for a prayer to the porcelain god. After I finished with that, I went to bed. I was so thankful that I didn't have to work the next day.

Little did I know, the next day would be worse...

Day 2 (Sunday, August 7): Fever.
I woke up an hour late for church. Thankfully, my bowels had settled down, no longer threatening to empty itself in an unfortunate public display. I sat down and played some Katamari Damacy (See Previous Post) while I enjoyed the most intestinal security I'd felt in about 26 hours. Once I had finished playing, I stood up, and I felt as though the inside of my watermelon sized head expanded to the size of twelve beach balls. This was a very big problem. I still had to pick up my brother from church. But I couldn't move unless I wanted my head to explode. So I played some more Katamari Damacy.

Day 3 (Monday, August 8): Fuck.
My Head still hurt, my throat got itchy, my eyes started burning and my sinuses clogged up. Barely surviving on flavored tea and kleenexes (see previous post), I managed to finish the most non-sensical rambling I'd written yet (If you haven't read the previous post yet, you really should just go read that shit first.) and to drag my ass down to work for another 6 hour shift. Hurrah.

After suffering through that hell, what did I do next? Did I go to sleep as soon as I got home? Did I get some tylenol cold to ease my pain? Halls? Fisherman's Friend?

I went to BPs and ate a shitload of tabasco.

I really am a Moron.

Day 4 (Tuesday, August 9): ...
I worked a five hour shift as soon as I woke up. The symptoms I had the day before was still pretty bad, but getting a little better. I still had trouble forming coherent thoughts, much less coherent words. After I got home, I got bitched out by the family for not being home for enough family dinners, so I stayed home until about 10 o'clock, missing the first half of Andrew's birthday. My only solace was Madden 06. mmm... Madden 06....

At 10, I went to karaoke. I think I infected everyone there.

Happy Birthday, Andrew.

Day 5 (Wednesday, August 10): The Worst Day Yet.
I think the sickness has pretty much run it's course.

My coughs are not dry anymore. They have phlegm in them.

My head no longer hurts, my poo is normal, my sinuses are clear, and my eyes aren't burning.

So why is today the worst day yet?

The Abadiano Dog bit my foot today.

I think I have Rabies.