Davespace 5000

Movie Review: Burn After Reading

2008-09-11T03:37:00.003-06:00

Continuing with the movie reviews, today I'm gonna tackle the new Coen Bros. movie. Be warned, in case you haven't already noticed, my reviews come off as too film studies-esque to be funny, and too stupid to be interesting. Oh well, here goes.

The Good: The acting was superb and not a rehash of typecasted roles. A star-studded ensemble cast including "the Cloon" and ol' dreamboat Pitt somehow NOT being related to theft of large sums of money? (well, that's arguable, but lets not ruin the movie for those who haven't seen it yet) Quite refreshing and all the actors are genuinely exciting to watch. Tilda Swinton was just that creepy Constantine version of Archangel Gabriel before I saw this one, and now I'm starting to buy into the hype. I'm drinkin' the Swinton Kool-Aid! John Malkovich continues to show us exactly why many of us truly wish we were Being John Malkovich. But, you know, less weird. Brad Pitt is his usual charming self, and George Clooney manages to play the sleazeball role quite well. Even J.K Simmons' role as the confused C.I.A suit is f-ing hilarious, and just serves to reinforce my belief that audiences just love to see Simmons swearing.

The story itself was quite good. Two parts Fargo, two parts spy movie spoof and one part David-Lynchian suburban seediness and you've got yourself a mixture pretty close to this movie. The Coen Brothers once again delve into the heart of American culture through its side-splitting portrayal of Bribery, Adultery, Theft and Divorce, and the sad realization that half the crap that we do is done for no real reason.

I don't think I even need to talk about the directing. It's a fucking Coen Brothers movie.

The Bad: The movie is a little bit slow to start. But just like Clue, while the film's action doesn't really get started until halfway through the movie, the narrative slowly builds steam and completely blows you away.

Many of the scenes seem overly reliant on the performances of the actors, and give the impression that they just sort of left the camera on and let John Malkovich be his usual tempramental self. In the hands of a less skilled cast, this movie could've been REALLY bad. Like Guy Ritchie bad.

OVERALL: Quite possibly the best movie I've seen this year (yes, Dark Knight included), and definitely one I'm going to buy once it's out on DVD.

9.5/10

Movie Review: Tropic Thunder

2008-09-01T23:59:00.003-06:00

I haven't touched this blog in a long time, but after watching 107 minutes (122 with trailers!) of this movie, I felt possessed enough to write up a review.

THE GOOD: Each performance in the film is exceptionally well done. Each character plays their part well and had meaningful contributions to the film. Robert Downey Jr. shines in his role as the eccentric "dude-playing-a-dude-playing-another-dude", Kirk Lazarus. While the trailer prepared me for potentially rehashed versions of each the actors' prior characters, every member of the cast excelled at portraying more than the roles I expected from them. The film also does an excellent job of absolutely skewering the inside politics of Hollywood. From Tom Cruise's excellent portrayal of a Harvey Weinstein-esque director, to the aforementioned Downey Jr. part-Russell Crowe/part-Daniel Day-Lewis classic method actor taking his role to seriously, to Matthew McConaghey's doggedly persistent Agent to Ben Stiller's character, the film attacks the state of the modern movie industry as one that has lost its focus.

THE BAD: There's so much about the film that, if better thought out, could have made this film what it was meant to be. Oh, where to begin? Maybe I should talk about how the narrative was sloppy and unfocused. Or for you english majors out there, how about the not-so-subtle theme of authenticity running throughout the movie? Thanks, Mr. Stiller, Hollywood is fake. We really had no idea. But hey, we're just a naive modern audience that's really only looking for the scenes of a severed head mounted atop a gun.

Maybe the the real problem with the film is the fact that it's just too ambitious and too poorly executed to really provide any real substance. Good for the actors: They come out of their ordeal as better men, who have come to terms with the lies that Hollywood has forced them into, and will now make an effort to be more true to themselves. They choose to reject what Hollywood has made them into, and rid themselves of the corruption that has consumed their lives. And how are these changed men rewarded? Ben Stiller gets an Oscar? What the fuck? I don't know if that's some kind of twisted irony, or just a really poorly thought out plot hole. The fact that a good portion of the film consists of fart jokes and panda killing leads me to think it's more of the latter.

Is the film a gritty satire of the cesspool that is Hollywood as we know it? Or is the film just a low-brow comedy, an excuse for Ben Stiller to bring a bunch of the big boys together for an old-fashioned laugh fest in the toilet? Since the filmmakers seem to be okay with being precariously perched on the fence, I hope they're okay with my rating too:

5/10

Ch-ch-changes..

2008-04-14T23:55:00.002-06:00

Every once in a while, it's good to shake things up. While this blog was once useful for me to rant on, it's time to move on... sort of.

Stay tuned, Dave-fans, more to come.

PHI vs DET: 56 - 21

2007-09-24T05:25:00.000-06:00

Looks like Philly's strategy of Blinding/Horrifying their opponents into submission worked like a charm.

What's that you say?

Well why else would Jevon Kearse be dressed up like gay Megaman?

75th anniversary? Oh god.

Well at least we didn't lose to the Giants, like that Radioshack team did.

And Early Candidate for Best Quote of the Year...

2007-09-24T05:14:00.000-06:00

“Whether I’m out to dinner with Dallas Clark and Jeff Saturday, or lifting weights with Marvin Harrison and Reggie Wayne, there’s always that moment, between sets of bench press or just sitting in the restaurant, when we make eye contact and know what we accomplished last year and how hard we worked to accomplish it.”

So in this quote, Peyton Manning comes across as:

1. Racist - While he can go out to a friendly dinner with his white teammates, the only activities he engages in with his black teammates are menial, physical activities. Way to go, P-Man.

2. "Festive" - Oh come on now. You're trying to tell me that you didn't get an adolescent smirk on your face when he mentioned "eye contact"? If you didn't, then you've no business reading this blog.

Metric Between The Bars (Elliott Smith cover) acoustic

2007-06-16T03:57:00.001-06:00

Wow. That's all I gotta say.

That was the gayest post I've ever written.

2007-05-13T22:04:00.001-06:00

yep.

Random Thought

2007-05-11T15:40:00.001-06:00

If using the term "Gay" in the place of "stupid" is an insult to homosexuals, then wouldn't the term "Gay" in the place of "homosexual" be an insult to happy people?

Quincy Carter is still an idiot.

2007-05-08T02:56:00.000-06:00

In an NFL Total Access Interview:

Reporter: Do you think that your love of football will overcome your addiction to Marijuana?

Carter: I think so.

Reporter: "You think so" or "you know so"? They're two different things.

Carter: (long pause) I think so.

Cue Applause.

Fire Cowboys Scouting Department.

Dave was arrested for... stealing ideas.

2007-05-08T00:47:00.000-06:00

After creeping around facebook and discovering a group regarding googling "(your FIRST name) was arrested for..." and posting your first result, I decided to do so, but post the first five results on here.

Dave was arrested for looking like "the wompus" (no lie)
Dave was arrested for punching out an undercover detective in Tokyo. He then spent 4 months in solitary confinement. Then stole your girlfriend.
Dave was arrested for - ahem - rape.
Dave was arrested for interfering with public duties after rescuing a swimmer. It ain't easy being me (or green, I hear)
Dave was arrested for Gun and Drug charges.

Andy Reid is the Smartest Man in Football...

2007-03-26T21:17:00.000-06:00

Takeo Spikes?

For an inconsistent DT and a late round pick in '08?

And we get Kelly Holcomb too?

Someone in Buffalo's been smoking the J.

2007 Quarterly Report #1.

2007-03-20T03:10:00.000-06:00

With April looming around the corner and summer (supposedly) on its way, what better time to take a brief look at the happenings of the last three months? Profits are down, net worth is down, assets are bleeding away and the upper management is the personification of incompetence. But Dave Chung is not about the money. He's all about the bitter cynicism and nerdiness. So set your phasers to "awed" and prepare to be... awed...

Best/Worst waste of time: Facebook. It's evil and insipid. And I check it thrice daily.

Honorable Mention: World of Warcraft, Blogging.

Best Purchase: 100 Bullets vol. 1-4. Yes, I'm a nerd that wastes his money on comic books. But at least I... yeah... forget it.

Honorable Mention: Hookers, Car Wash.

Most surprising celebrity death: Bam Bam Bigelow. Mainly because I thought he had died 10 years ago. I swear I remember hearing that.

Honorable Mention: Good taste, Hip hop.

Least surprising celebrity death: Anna Nicole Smith. Come on. She was on more drugs than your mom (she's got a serious problem); it was only a matter of time before she OD'd. Not saying it's a good thing, just saying it wasn't really all that surprising.

Honorable Mention: Nameless guy in red Star Trek uniform, Tony Romo's playoff hopes.

Best Movie: 300. That good? Nah, just haven't really seen anything besides that. That and I likes the leather speedoes. I also like to pluralize "speedo".

Honorable Mention: Lion Fighting with Dave.

Worst Movie: 3oo. See Above.

Honorable Mention: Lion Fighting with Dave.

Best TV Series: 24. While Heroes, Studio 60, Battlestar Galactica and House were all strong contenders in the last few months, Heroes is slowly losing steam, Studio 60 maintains a consistent but only above average level of entertainment, and House has only had two or three episodes. Between Battlestar Galactica and 24, I was afraid of what Jack Bauer would do to me if I didn't cast my vote for him.

Honorable Mention: The four shows I mentioned above, NFL Total Access.

Worst TV Series: The War at Home. Single-handedly responsible for the death of the modern sitcom. Anyone ever see the show Titus? Take that show, remove any traces of funny, and add in a whole shitload of homophobia, sexism, and that jackass from Boston Public.

Honorable Mention: Black Donnellys (I've never been more bored in the first 10 minutes of any show), Grey's Anatomy (Oh wait, I have.)

If I hear this song one more time, I'll shoot someone: My Chemical Romance - Famous Last Words. Having my alarm clock set to sonic every morning sucks my balls. Don't get me wrong, My Chemical Romance isn't that bad, I like some of their stuff. But the song just drives me absolutely batshit crazy. The whiny, grating voice during the verses makes my urine turn red. Or maybe that's the gonorrhea. gyargh.

Honorable Mention: Fall Out Boy - This Ain't a Scene, It's an Arms Race (it's getting there); Justin Timberlake - What Goes Around...

Song I'm still not sick of, even though I've listened to it enough to make a man go deaf: Sondre Lerche - Phantom Punch. I have no idea what the fuck the guy's talking about, but I can tell you one thing: I don't want to feel the Phantom Punch.

Honorable Mention: Modest Mouse - Dashboard, Kaiser Chiefs - Ruby.

Best NFL Off-season Move: New England Patriots signing Adalius Thomas. A monsterous 270 pound player who can play DL, LB, SS, FS and CB, this guy is easily the best player on the market this year, and pretty much guarantees the Pats as one of the top four teams in the NFL again.

Honorable Mention: Denver Broncos signing Dre Bly, Atlanta letting suspected Rape-assister Pat Kerney go.

Dumbest NFL Off-season Move: San Francisco 49ers signing Michael Lewis. As a rabid Philadelphia Eagles fan, I can testify to Lewis's ineptitude in coverage. Sure, he stops the run well, but he consistently gets burned when the pass goes deep. He either draws a PI call, or is so far behind the play that it's already too late.

Honorable Mention: 49ers paying Nate Clements 80mil/8 years. The richest contract for a defensive player ever, given to a guy who was a standout player in a REALLY shitty secondary.

Best Reason to live in Parents' Basement: No rent, biatch.

Honorable Mention: Farting at own leisure, pasty video-game non-tan.

Worst Reason to live in Parents' Basement: Total chick repellent. Sob.

Honorable Mention: Spiders, Boogeymen.

And last, but not least,

Handsomest, Wittiest, Sexiest and most Virile man: He's also incredibly modest, so I - I mean - he didn't want to write his name in his own well-written blog. But if any of you beautiful ladies want to get into contact with this mountain of manliness, I know for a fact that he'd be interested.

Honorable Mention: Jack Bauer.

Thank God I'm an Eagles Fan...

2007-03-12T03:56:00.000-06:00

Noteworthy commentary from esteemed members of the online community:

Reinhard, footballoutsiders.com: Holy crap, abused.

Acezfullxx, youtube.com: This nigger sucks dog.

Eman5805, youtube.com: Why is the vid playing the Xena theme?

Mitch Cumstein, footballoutsiders.com: Kwame Harris had a bad career last season.

Jesus Christ, Indeed...

2007-02-20T03:03:00.000-07:00

Probably old news to all you youtube whores out there, but if you haven't seen/heard this yet, here it is: The Aries Spears Rap.

Imprompt-humor

2007-02-15T01:19:00.000-07:00

Gul Dukat* says:
If you could be a member of any band, which band would you choose and why?

Dave says:
kiss

Dave says:
look at gene simmons

Gul Dukat says:
you would be part of kiss!?

Gul Dukat says:
Gene Simmons, despite the massive amounts of play, is still a dirty old jew who looks like a walking gunt.

Gul Dukat says:
what would be your second choice?

Dave says:
well if we're talking personal fulfillment

Dave says:
probably U2, since you can just sit in the background, not do anything, and still be a pompous jackass

Dave says:
and be worth hundreds of millions of dollars

Gul Dukat says:
Despite the ridiculously handsome Larry Mullins Jr. I couldn't stand to be near someone called Bono or Edge..

Dave says:
THE edge, thank you very much

Dave says:
and do not speak ill of the edge

Gul Dukat says:
"Hi, I'm Larry Mullins Jr. This is Bono, and that's THE Edge"..it sounds like the introduction to a circus act where Bono and THE Edge are small Russian bears on tricycles

Dave says:
or a liberal arts college play

Dave says:
"bono and the edge"

Gul Dukat says:
ok, what would be your third choice?

Dave says:
red hot chili peppers

Gul Dukat says:
Good choice.

Dave says:
because you'd be badass to at least 3 different generations

Dave says:
i suppose the stones would be similar

Dave says:
but they all aged horribly

Gul Dukat says:
Poor Charlie Watts looks like something a level 60 Necromancer conjured from the depths.

Dave says:
what would be your top 3

Dave says:
please don't say BJM

Gul Dukat says:
No, as cool as it would be to see Anton kick someone in the head, I don't want to be a homeless junkie

Gul Dukat says:
I think I would like to have been a founding member of Mayhem, so I could tell people that I WAS THERE when Death killed himself and Euronymous ate his brain and made the skull necklace, only to be killed by Count Varg in a fit of jealousy with a Viking Knife, either because of the skull neklace or a 16 year old virgin.

Gul Dukat says:
I'd finish the story each time by saying "and THAT was how Death Metal started, and I was THERE man"

Dave says:
did you just type that so you could tell me that you read the mayhem biography?

Gul Dukat says:
...

Gul Dukat says:
yes.

Dave says:
if you were a founding member, you would either be the eater, eaten or murdered

Dave says:
or murderer

Dave says:
that's not so great

Gul Dukat says:
or a 16 year old virgin..

Dave says:
true

Dave says:
next?

Gul Dukat says:
In all seriousness, I think I would have like to be in the Smashing Pumpkins. Everything up to and including Melancholy and the Infinite Sadness was brilliant in my opinion, and the music had some awesome guitar stuff. Afterwards I can tell everyone Billy Corgan is a jackass.

Dave says:
so basically, you'd like to be in bands just to tell people that you were in them after the fact

Gul Dukat says:
Next, probably AC/DC. It's simply an honour to be in a band with someone who can riff Thunderstruck while hopping around the stage on one leg. Seriously, that's fucking Jesus.

Dave says:
I'm not so sure even Jesus could pull that off

Gul Dukat says:
true thing, true thing

Gul Dukat says:
Lastly, and it would change depending on the day, but today it would be Velvet Revolver.

Gul Dukat says:
It's an awesome take on stadium rock and, with superb musicianship and solos galore. It's the kind of stuff bands that seem to be getting all the radio play are oblivious to.

Gul Dukat says:
Seriously, can Billy Tallent face melt? Once Slash/Angus Young/Dave Mustaine/insert shredder here die, who will take their place as high priest of the God's of Rock?

Dave says:
i gotta say, that brown guy from sum41 can shred

Gul Dukat says:
Dave Baksh? Yeah, I haven't really heard much of him letting loose though.

Gul Dukat says:
The guys you and I idolize, their all old man.

Gul Dukat says:
It's like 2 generations went by where no one artist defined themselves as epic guitar soloists.

Dave says:
frusciante won't die

Dave says:
he's too high to die

Gul Dukat says:
haha

Gul Dukat says:
true

Gul Dukat says:
the collective soul guy is good too, actually

Gul Dukat says:
and as much as I don't like Creed, I'll give that dude credit..whatever his name is..

Dave says:
this conversation is over.

*This individual chose to remain nameless, for self-googling reasons. I can understand their position; when the only things that come up when you google your own name are insane ramblings from angry racists, I'd be hesitant to give my name too. He chose the name Gul Dukat though, which means Laver probably knows who it is anyway.

Merry Christmas!

2006-12-22T14:32:00.000-07:00

Happy Holidays!

Twirling my mustache.

2006-12-04T19:21:00.000-07:00

13 more days, suckas! 13 more days and I get my money.

Anyhoo, I decided that I might as well write about what's been going on. I'm incredibly sleep-deprived at the moment. With about 1400 words to go on my FS 410 essay, I figured I'd down two quick Energy Drinks to help my dumb ass write yesterday night. This was at midnight. On a mad sugar/caffene buzz (I tried to spell "Caffeine" as "Cafeen, Caffeen, Caffeine, Caffiene, Cafiene and Cafeine. I still don't think I have it right), I managed to finish my essay in 2 hours. I tried to go to sleep, but just laid in bed, wired, for about 5 hours. By the time I finally gave up on sleep it was almost 7:00. So I decided to catch up on some TV shows. I'm brilliant. 8 hours later, with nothing but Caffeine (GODDAMMIT) keeping my body upright, I drove (smart when drowsy) to school and got ready for my shit-rag oral presentation. I bombed it. I think.

MORAL OF THE STORY: zzz.

woufhowuhdofuhwohfohoauhowhofwdfouhw.

Dave Chung: In a Mirror, Darkly

2006-10-20T20:15:00.000-06:00

There's this thingy called the internet. People use it for school, some for sports, and some for various miscellaneous tasks (porn). However, everyone, without exception, loves to Google themselves. And I'm not talking about what you do under the sheets in the wee hours of the night, whimpering in the dark while listening to My Chemical Romance. No, I'm talking about experiencing the sheer joy of living your life through people who coincidentally share your name but have infinitely better lives than you do. I mean, LOOK AT THESE GUYS!

1. Dave Chung, Professional Artist.
Apart from his Dance Dance Revolution addiction, (wow, a korean guy playing DDR. Way to shatter those stereotypes, jackass. What's your starcraft guild called?) he is quite possibly the coolest incarnation of me. I've spent 4 years on 3/4 of a shitty degree that will teach me how to bore people with my knowledge of operant conditioning, while this guy makes a living drawing pieces of toast. And to top it all off, he goes by "The Chung". Damn you, The Chung. I want a "the" before my name.

2. Dave Chung, Photographer extraordinaire.
"Wait a minute, The Dave," you might be asking. "I thought you said these Daves are cooler than you. He's a MySpace troll. All he does is surf around and creep on people's pages." Very true. But at the end of the day, people will eventually read what he has to say and look at his pretty pictures. No one will ever see what is written on this site. Except my Sister (hi). He also gets bonus points for having the cutest motherfucking avatar I've ever seen.

And finally, we get to the real reason I wrote this post:

3. Dave Chung, Professional Magic: The Gathering Champion.
Jesus Christ. MAGIC THE GATHERING?? Everyone knows that it's hands down, the greatest professional sport in the history of the universe. This man is my hero. I collected Magic cards a long long long time ago, and all I remember is that I always lost to this little brown kid. Badly. This guy is badass. Look at this little excerpt from the link above:

Chung's deck is three colors—he had to pull good cards wherever he could find them. He does have a Butcher Orgg but its triple red in the casting cost could be prohibitive with three types of land to draw on. "How's your deck — rock solid?" asked Rietzl as they got underway.

Chung shrugged, "It got me here..."

You're fuckin' done, son! You can't test Dave and the butcher orgg. Anything that's triple red in the casting cost is triple death in the hands of Dave Chung. And his comeback? "It got me here..."? Fucking epic. But the beatings had just begun.

Chung used Erratic Explosion on the 3-toughness soldier, which prompted a "How lucky!" from Rietzl when Needleshot Gourna was flipped over.

"I have heard that phrase quite a bit today," grinned Chung.

Fuck. This Dave is like Clint Eastwood meets Confucius. Each of his comments are like the words of God himself:

"Which bomb is under there?"
"I remember you..."
"Yup! Once again a NICE selection!"

And after all was said and done...

Chung Smothered the morph that attacked last turn—it turned out to be Exalted Angel—and then Scatter Shot the Legionnaire. Everyone agreed that he targeted the wrong creatures with each spell but the result was the same...

Dave Chung ground into US Nationals and exorcised the ghosts of past feature matches.

... And on the seventh turn, he rested.

SLAPFEST!

2006-10-17T00:02:00.000-06:00

enjoy.

If ignorance is bliss, then IMDB must be heaven

2006-08-17T04:20:00.000-06:00

I'm an overbearing, pretentious snob when it comes to music, movies and even video games. Thus, I am obligated to insult anyone whose opinions I find to be dumber than (different from) mine. And what better place to find a wide variety of stupid opinions than the Internet Movie DataBase. Over the course of a week, I took a look at the dumbest message board posts I found while creeping hot actress pages. Er. For research. Um. Yeah.

As always, my brilliant commentary in Red.

----

(Regarding the movie Lake House) "im sorry if someone already posted one like this but i wanted to know if someone could actually explain the movie to me .. i have seen it twice and still dont understand it .. i feel like whoever wrote it just tied it all together in the end to make the audience happy .. i mean dont get me wrong i LOVED this movie .. one of my FAVORITES but i just dont understand it ? can someone help pleasee ? thank you"

I know just what you mean! I don't understand any of my favorite books, but me reading Dostoevsky makes me look like a fucking genius!

And on a side note, The Lake House is one of your FAVORITES what else is up there, Sweet Home Alabama?

... Andrew?

----

(Regarding the as of yet unmade Batman 2 Teaser Trailer) "How do you guys think the teaser should be? More joker focused or what? Describe wha you'd like to see."

Response: "Do NOT show the Joker in the Teaser atleast clearly but end it with the sound of him manical frightening laughter."

Congratulations, you've just made the most vague yet generic fucking teaser trailer ever. Also, I don't know what a "manical" is, but I assume that laughter that would frighten one would be frightening indeed.

That's right, I made fun of someone's spelling. Can't stop the rush, baby.

----

(Regarding Pirates of the Caribbean) "Hi gollin4 i am from the Bahamas my name is ingrid i am also trying to find the key grip guys who i gave the name and the idea too for the movie pirates of the caribbean i remember a few years back when i met these kite fylers here in the Bahamas and we discuss what movie i think they should write and release i also told them to remember me if they ever did it so i could be compensated for giving them this whole new direction an movie idea. i even recommeded them shooting it here in the Bahamas. if i could get terry, jerry or teds
number or e-mail i could confirm this. if you can help e-mail me back. sorry i lost or misplaced threre key grip business card.

I'm sorry lady, even after putting aside the fact that those kite fliers that you met were more than likely just some random guys that were high off their tree, there's still the fact that a "Key Grip" has nothing to do with coming up with the name or plot of a movie. He just moves shit. Although you recommending shooting the movie in the Bahamas was a way better idea than their original plan of filming the movie in Winnipeg. But hey, I'm a reasonable guy. I'm willing to believe that you gave them the idea for the movie as soon as George Lucas finally admits that I gave him the idea for Star Wars. Bastard.

----

Give me ur oppinion: Do I look like [Paris Hilton]??

I don't know about looking like her, but since it's quite obvious that you're an attention whore, and dumb as a table, it's my "oppinion" that you act like her.

Oh yeah, and no, you don't look like her.

----

(Regarding Hilary Duff) Every teenager on a disney show doesn't have ANY experience to begin with, and ends up being famous BECAUSE so many little naive teenagers watch the dumb shows and bug their parents to get them posters and stuff and then the celebrities become rich and famous and then become singers even if they suck!!!

its the same cycle for every single person who gets on disney shows just cuz they look the part!!!! hilary duff is the best example i can think of!!!!!!!

Yes, definitely. Attractive people getting all the attention and fame. Definitely a huge problem with Disney shows. Disney shows and.... everything else?

it ticks me off that many TALENTED teenagers are still working hard while ppl like hilary duff get it easy because they just got on a show because of their looks!!!

Talented teenagers working hard? I don't think many people consider bitching about more talented people a talent.

the only thought that gives me comfort is that once the world gets smarter and once hilary duff is an adult she'll be working at mcdonalds, trust me.

The only thought giving you comfort? Well good luck with that one. She's worth God only knows how much money. So unless McDonald starts paying a few mil a year, I'm pretty sure you won't have to worry about her stealing your job at the drive-thru window.

srry to all the fans but its the hard truth.

Condemning people getting roles because of their looks sounds less sincere when they're coming from someone who has god knows how many posts on the Ewan MacGregor and Johnny Depp IMDB pages (hprules479).

And you're right, Hewlitt-Packard does rule. Four-hundred seventy-nine times.

----

(Bashing Arrested Development) I have seen the first couple of episodes in a row (there goes your cintinuity argument) and a couple in the middle and the and i would have to say that the writers of this show have the same sense of humor as the writers of the amierican pie movies. Wow one of the characters was faking being blind. Then she got sprayed in the face and really became blind.(LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL1!!!!) or when tobias thought that the party had a pirate theme and he joined the gay protesters that were protesting his own family(What are the odds?LOLOLOLOLx50) or when when that douchbag caught his nephew kissing his sister and he was like"dad will be crushed" but he was talking about his actual dad who was hidden under the house(Who would've thought that would happen LOLOLOL) Face it this show is the stupidest show on telivision.

Key points:
1. While it is a delightfully overused acronym, "LOL" does not get your point across. It only makes you look ignorant and 12.
2. The examples of un-funny moments that you picked only show that your understanding of "comedy" is pretty shallow. An oversized Banana Peel slipping on a shoe is the kind of humor that you will never be able to enjoy.
3. Writers of the American Pie movies? ... huh?

He then proceeds to talk about his own personal tastes:

My favorite comedy shows on right now are American Dad and the Colbert Report. A couple of shows that I liked when they were on are The Andy Dick Show, Strangers with Candy, TV Funhouse, Cartoon Sushi/Liquid Television, Upright Citizens Brigade,and the Simpsons(during the 90's, not now).

Andy Dick Show? TV funhouse? Cartoon Sushi? Never mind... these feelings of loathing and disgust are slowly being replaced by pity. You're not a jackass that only likes shows that no one has heard of, you just have bad taste. But hey, if juvenile/sophmoric humor is your sort of thing...

But besides those shows, the rest of that list looks like Michael Moore's TiVo. Bush bashing is soooo passe. Unless you're talking about Gavin Rossdale. That guy is the anti-christ.

Oh and by the way, REAL original with the 90s Simpsons. My name is Dave and I breathe and drink water.

A lot can happen in two months. But it didn't.

2006-07-27T01:12:00.000-06:00

Yes, I am updating. No, I have nothing to talk about.

Random semi-interesting factoids from the last 2 months:
1. It's surprisingly easy to quit WoW. If you can deal with the monster boredom. Which is like regular boredom, but it also lives under my bed.
2. Nintendo DS has replaced World of Warcraft as the second largest obstacle to me actually finishing my degree. The first is the fact that I'm dumb as shit. And twice as lazy.
3. My personal DVD collection is quickly becoming complete. The non-porn ones, that is. I still have a fairly large porn wish-list.
4. It's tough to find good donkey porn.

Music that seems dumb but is actually pretty damn good:
1. The new Nelly Furtado album.
2. Shout Out Out Out Out Out Out Out Out. Out.
3. Wolfmother.
4. Me in the shower. Holy fuck I have a sexy voice.

Wittiest Comment in the last 10 minutes:
(To Dave J, regarding how he liked "Lucky Number Slevin") "so you would say sleven out of 10, eh?"

The number of games I can play - and sometimes even finish - simultaneously in the 4 weeks I've stopped playing WoW:
1. Shadow Hearts: Covenant.
2. 2 un-simulated seasons of Madden 2006.
3. Brain age.
4. Shadow Hearts: From the New World.
5. Animal Crossing: Wild World.

Best unused idea for a blog post:
janet says:
you could dedicate your blog entry to someone and write about them
janet says:
like me.
janet says:
i'd love to read about me on the internet.
Dave - http://davespace5k.blogspot.com/ says:
i wouldn't know where to start
Dave - http://davespace5k.blogspot.com/ says:
what with your uber-interesting hip and happenin lifestyle
janet says:
ha! i'd like to meet my uber interesting hip and happenin lifestyle and ask it why it sucks
Dave - http://davespace5k.blogspot.com/ says:
and give it a punch in the nose?
janet says:
yeah
janet says:
and then laugh at it for crying

Worst Idea for a Blog Post:
This one.

Self Indulgence.

2006-05-17T03:11:00.000-06:00

Between the 8+ hours of "Scrubs" and 5 minutes of "House" I've wasted my day watching, I really want to be a jackass doctor in the vein of Dr. House or Dr. Cox.

Or maybe just a jackass. But I've already got that in spades.

In other news, Nelly Furtado became a crazy ho. Not that I'm complaining. I think it works for her. And by "works for her" I actually mean "is fucking hot".

I've mentioned it to some people, but the fact that the Oilers lost the first two games they played after I shaved my playoff beard in conjunction with the fact that they started winning as soon as my facial hair was visible again only serves to prove that I am, in fact, God.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to download the 4th season of Scrubs and the Scrubs soundtrack. And the "Promiscuous Girl" video. hee hee.

Mind-Blowingly-Awesome.

2006-05-13T13:48:00.000-06:00

http://loituma.antyx.net/loituma.swf

that is all.

How I Made an Ass of Myself. Part 942.

2006-04-19T10:56:00.000-06:00

Before you read this post, allow me to let you in on a few interesting pieces of information:
Fact #1. I had an exam at 9:00am on April 19.
Fact #2. I am in worse shape than your grandma.
Fact #3. I hate being the center of attention.
Fact #4. Allergies SERIOUSLY dry your sinuses.
Fact #5. Apparently, there are no bathrooms in the Biological Sciences Building.

Now that that's out of the way, here's my story:

April 19, 2006.
7:15am: Alarm goes off. Snooze button.
7:30am: Alarm goes off. Snooze button.
7:45am: Alarm goes off. I wake up and take a quick shower.
8:10am: After fancying myself up, I hop in the car, confident that I'll be on time. Note fact #1.
8:20am: Making good time, only 5 minutes away from the U.
8:30am: Starting to worry, only 5 minutes away from the U.
8:40am: Yelling at chinese lady, only 5 minutes away from the U.
8:45am: Pull up to parking lot just in time to see 12 cars in line for a parking permit. Again, note fact #1.
8:57am: Parked, pens and pencils in hand, walking (note fact #2) reasonably quickly to class.
9:05am: I make it to the classroom. Unfortunately, the door is locked. I knock on the door, which opens to a rather irritated professor. As I sheepishly walk into the classroom, and everyone in the room looks up at me. Note fact #3.
9:07am: As I sit down, some blood rushes to my head. Note fact #4. As I desperately try to stop the flow of blood onto my exam sheet, I wonder if I can tough it out through the exam.
9:08am: I ask the TA for a kleenex. The TA looks at me with a look of sheer horror and points at the door frantically. As I hand my bloodied scantron sheet and test booklet to her, I leave the room and begin my search for a bathroom. Note fact #5.
9:22am: After walking all the way to the bathroom in CAB, I make it back to class. The door is locked again. Knock knock. Prof is even more irritated, he says he had to throw away my scantron because it was covered in blood. He gives me a new scantron sheet. The same bloody test booklet though. As I take my seat again, the girl sitting next to me gives me a really dirty look. What's her problem? As I pull down the desktop thingy, I notice that it's a lot bloodier than when I first sat down. A lot like her sleeve. Whoops.

Epilogue: After I finished the exam, I waited outside the classroom for the chick I had just bloodied and offered to pay for any drycleaning or anything like that. She was actually surprisingly good-natured about the whole thing and refused to take my money insisting that "shit happens".

And the exam? Despite feeling a little lightheaded, it went okay, finished the course with a C+.

Moral of the story: If you ever need to cheat on your exam, punch yourself in the nose and "go to the bathroom."

Increase Whining, Novice.

2006-04-18T01:59:00.000-06:00

2 months is not a long time.

Try 2 years.

Garfield? Funny again?

2006-02-19T02:50:00.000-07:00

Not sure how old this sort of thing is, but apparently, if you go through a Garfield comic strip and remove all of Garfield's thoughts, it becomes a bizarre, depressing story of a man who has gone entirely insane, talking to a cat.

Funny? I dunno, judge for yourself.

I am a postmodern hero.

2006-02-15T01:10:00.000-07:00

Exams are for pussies.
Two midterms in one day? That hasn't happened to me since first year. I'm scared.

The cat is out of the bag and your dad is out of the closet.
Thanks to Dave Jang, I can no longer badmouth people from work, as my blog is now semi-public knowledge. Although I'm still going to talk about all the money I've stolen from there. Hoo-ray.

Tigers don't kill spiders.
The spider bite I got a couple weeks ago did NOT give me super powers, either. After being bed-ridden for 2 days and 36 hours of sleep, all I got was weak legs and a headache. Also, don't try using tiger balm on a spider bite, it just makes the wound start bleeding. Don't ask me why, I have no fucking clue.

I've run out of feline referenced headings.
Yeah, that's about it. Time to go study for my two midterms. FUK!

Steelers MISAPPROPRIATE a Victory!

2006-02-05T21:55:00.000-07:00

Hurrah for the Steelers. Hurrah for Bettis. Hurrah for Roethlisberger. Hurrah for my accurate prediction of 3 plays in a row. The sack from Casey Hampton, the tackle by Joey Porter and the interception by Ike Taylor. Ask Gugens, Louis, Chris or Andrew and they'll tell you.

Hurrah for me.

Note: for the title of the post, I wanted to make the most obvious headline I could think of. Can YOU do better? hah!

WTF of the Week #3

2006-01-28T01:45:00.000-07:00

Just when you think the world can't get any weirder...

Brad Pitt riding a tricycle, firing a machine gun.

Pure genius.

The following takes place between 12:38am and 12:43am.

2006-01-24T00:39:00.000-07:00

I really don't know what to put here.

I just wanted to put in the title, just so people know how fucking great "24" is.

If I wasn't such a towering symbol of traditional manliness and heterosexuality, I would make love to Kiefer Sutherland.

Uh... I mean, isn't Jessica Alba fucking hot?

Musical Recommendation: Royksopp - The Understanding (2005): I don't understand it, which is what makes it great in an ironic sort of way.

Which brings us to...

I Love Clone High.

Movie Review: The Aristocrats

2006-01-21T04:30:00.000-07:00

Penn Jillette walks into a movie executive's office. He says to him, "Man, do I have the perfect movie for you."

The talent agent groans, and says, "Oh no, not again. I've seen your 'magic' acts, and they're complete crap."

Penn says, "No, just hear me out, this time its different. Picture a movie where we interview 100 comedians and ask them their takes on the 'Aristocrats' joke. But here's the catch: half of them aren't comedians. We'll have idiots like Andy Dick, Carrot Top, and some shitty mime giving crappy takes on this time-honored institution of the comedy business!"

"But you're not even a comedian, you're a shitty magician," the agent says.

"Hear me out. We'll splice footage together haphazardly, hoping that the jokes will string together on their own. Teller and I can even include ourselves in the movie, so we can pretend to be shitty comedians on top of being shitty magicians! We'll spend a retarded amount of time on making the editorial staff of the onion look like complete morons, while limiting potentially interesting versions of the joke - for example, Chris Rock's take - to a 15 second clip. Bob Saget will actually be one of the highlights of the film! We'll destroy any sense of tradition built up in the industry, just so we can fill up our pockets with cash!"

The agent is horrified. "Dear god... what's the name of the movie?"

Jillette smiles and states proudly, "The Aristocrats."

All kidding aside, the movie was a very interesting documentary about the Aristocrats joke. I just hate Penn and Teller.

Rating: *** (out of five)

Strange Names -or- WTF of the Week #2

2006-01-15T02:16:00.000-07:00

Diet Dr Pepper Cherry Vanilla.

HUH?? A drink with a Prefix and two Suffixes? Strange.

And Just so you know, it tastes as bizarre as it sounds. Sorta like someone made you eat a whole shitload of cherries, and wash it down with diet dr pepper vanilla.

EDIT: I realize that "prefix" and "suffix" are not the correct word in this situation. I sincerely apologize for any confusion this may have caused.

Morons.

Um. That's all.

Oh! Listen to The Arctic Monkeys. Good stuff.

The Status.... Que?

2006-01-11T02:02:00.000-07:00

"Why is your blog so funny, Dave?" I often pretend to hear people ask. The answer is quite simple. The key to a "funny" blog is self-loathing and blatant plagiarism. It's good to have a healthy mix of the two. In every one of the posts I've done so far, I've done nothing but hate upon my boring life and rip off virtually everything I've ever read or heard. Is this post in the same vein as the others?

Fuck no.

My life is a little less boring, and a little more original. Despite not doing a lick's work during the entire winter break - be it academically or professionally - I was pleasantly surprised by the number of things that have semi-gone-right in my life in the two weeks previous.

1) I am now a supervisor at the Movie Studio. Goodbye, crappy resume.
2) I am now level 60 in World of Warcraft. Goodbye, University Degree.
3) On the topic of university, I threw together the most ghetto winter 2006 schedule in september last year, yet I still ended up with no classes on MWF, 4 courses, and a FS class with no textbook (not to mention the easiest required watching movie list) and all the prerequisites I need for next year.
4) A GST rebate check. Hurray for free money.
5) Dole Juice in a Can. I love Dole Juice in a can. It's the same amount of liquid for twice the price, but five times the fun!
6) An obscene amount of Mandarin Oranges in the fridge.
7) A Motorola RAZR. You know, so I can wait for the calls that never come... In Style!
8) My Sleeping patterns have normalized, relatively. I now sleep at 2-3 am and wake up at 10-11am. Incredible!
9) Interjections!
10) Exclamation Marks!

Fear not, all you Dave-haters out there, I haven't done anything to deserve this kind of great luck.

And we all know Karma's a bitch.

2006-01-05T18:21:00.000-07:00

Have a good trip, see you in 6 months man.

Dave's Football Rant.

2005-12-23T04:24:00.000-07:00

Good to be back. Why have I not been posting? Three reasons: School, Football, and World of Warcraft. Because school is inherently boring - as evidenced by the glazed look on the faces of my friends when I launch into a diatribe about how heroin is not dangerous - and that I've already made a World of Warcraft post, I've decided to talk about a few major points in football-related current events.

Point 1A: The Philadelphia Eagles are Still Better Than You.

For 4 Reasons. 1) they still have one of the best defenses in the NFL; 2) They have an infinite amount of cap room, while having more star players than most teams in the top 5 of each conference; 3) they're being victimized by the Madden Cover Jinx, the Chunky Soup Curse, and the Superbowl Loser Curse simultaneously. And they still might finish .500; and 4) They had the balls to get rid of their most effective offensive weapon, which leads us to...

Point 1B: Terrell Owens is a moron.

PHILADELPHIA (Dec. 16, 2005) -- Before Terrell Owens was banished from the Philadelphia Eagles, the All-Pro wide receiver told GQ magazine that some of his teammates didn't want him to play in the Super Bowl last February.

"A lot of people, they doubted me," Owens said in the January issue of GQ. "Some of my teammates didn't want to see me come back, but I came back.

Well, Terrell, maybe they didn't doubt your ability as much as they were worried about the potential longterm health problems that could result from you running around in a 60 minute full-contact sport on a BROKEN LEG. But no, I'm sure they wanted to sideline their star receiver so they would have a better chance of losing the superbowl.

The article goes on to say..

Owens told the magazine he felt "used" by the Eagles.

"One of the main reasons they brought me to Philadelphia was to get to the Super Bowl, so it's just like, I feel used all of a sudden," he said. "You all used me to win a lot of games, and then once I got hurt last year before the playoffs, it was, 'Yeah, we really don't need T.O.' "

Owens wonders if the media is out to get him.

Terrell, you're playing in a multi-billion dollar sport. They didn't get that much value from nothing. They're a business. Their franchises are businesses. Of course you're going to feel used. They pay you to play, not for your personality (lucky for you).

Although your paranoid ideas about the media out to get you is fucking hilarious.

"The things that I've done in the past, like celebrate in the end zone, they're making a fanfare out of it now with (Bengals wide receiver) Chad Johnson," Owens said. "With all the celebrations that he's done, they're like congratulating him for it. But if it was me, they'd be like, 'Oh, we don't need this in football, this is not good for football.' Not that Chad is doing something wrong, it's not his fault, but you kind of wonder, do they have it out for me?"

Owens is known for his flamboyant celebrations, including the Sharpie incident and posing on the Cowboys' star at midfield at Texas Stadium.

Chad Johnson's TD celebrations, while just as flamboyant as yours, are more in the vein of celebrating one's own successes and greatness instead of outright disrespect for the opposing team. Running over to the sideline and mock-proposing to a cheerleader is not as blatently disrespectful as running to midfield of the opposing team's stadium and posing arrogantly on the team's logo.

But I thought it was funny. Then again, I'm a jackass.

Owens feels he doesn't get equal treatment from the media.

"I went down to the Houston Astrodome after (Hurricane) Katrina, but nobody made a big deal about it," he said. "But you saw Peyton Manning and his brother, they made a big deal about that. I did it on my own. I didn't do it for publicity."

For someone who supposedly "didn't do it for publicity," you have a serious pre-occupation with the press paying attention to you.

Oh, and by the way, Peyton and Eli Manning are FROM New Orleans. Their childhood home was just destroyed. I'm fairly certain their intentions weren't to steal the spotlight away from you.

Point 2: Your Typical Sports Journalist is a Prick.

An excerpt from the Associated Press with the title,

Tony Dungy's Son Dies of Apparent Suicide

Note that I found the article in the sports section. Not necessarily an unusual event, but since when has a suicide been a sporting event?

Later in that article,

Tony Dungy took the team plane from Indianapolis to Tampa, Fla., where he had coached the Buccaneers from 1996 to 2001.

The Colts (13-1) travel to Seattle for a game Saturday, and team president Bill Polian said assistant head coach Jim Caldwell will take over "for however long Tony will be away, and however long he will be away is entirely up to him."

Okay, an 18-year-old kid just committed suicide, his father's in shambles, and we want to know about his coaching history. Not only that, but his current team's winning record, their travel itinerary, and their next opponent. Because, you know, then you can buy tickets ahead of time so you can go ridicule the man in his sorrow.

I would expect this from NFL.com, but when you're part of the Associated Press, you should show a little more class than that.

Or maybe I'm just reading too far into it...

Two other NFL head coaches lost close family members this season, both in November. Don Parcells, brother of Dallas Cowboys coach Bill Parcells, died of brain cancer in New Jersey at age 62; Steve Belichick, father of New England Patriots' coach Bill Belichick, died at 86.

Or maybe not.

Why do we need this information? So we can settle our office pools on which Coach's family member is going to pass away next? What does this have to do with the kid that just died?

... Who am I kidding, this article might be written by me one day.

Point 3: Dave is a Rookie-Most-Likely-to-Succeed-in-their-first-NFL-Season Guessing God.

Well, for two years running, at least. Ask gugens. I picked Ben Roethlisberger, even before the draft, to be the big kahuna in 2004. Pittsburgh went 15-1 on the season, and Big Ben went perfect as a starter. Eli Manning did terribly until his last 2 games, while Philip Rivers didn't even play.

Defensively, I said Jonathan Vilma or DJ Williams would be the best defensive rookies in 2004. Vilma and Williams both led their teams in tackles, while the former also received the honor of Defensive Rookie of the Year.

This last draft, I predicted Carnell Williams to be the star runningback this season, out of the big 3. He broke rookie rushing records in his first 3 weeks. Ronnie Brown went from terrible to only above average, while Cedric Benson got injured after being benched for the first part of the season and getting injured with a sub-4.0 rushing yard average.

I also chose Shawn Merriman as the best defensive player in the draft. He has 9 sacks to lead all rookies and is neck-and-neck with DeMarcus Ware for the defensive rookie of the year award.

I win.

Point 4: I Watch Far Too Much Football for Someone that Throws like a Girl.

Enough Said.

Dave's Musical Educational History - or - Dave's Rampant Failure of a Post Ep.2

2005-11-06T02:47:00.000-07:00

Everyone goes through different phases of musical tastes.

Now here's where there's supposed to be a snappy, introspective intro. You're not gonna get one.

I was originally gonna write reviews of music from all phases of my life.. childhood, adolescence, um... everything else... but that didn't work out. Mainly because then I'd lie a lot. I doubt too many people are going to believe I was listening to Mother's Milk when I was drinking it too.

So instead, you're going to get my top 3 musical recommendations from my elementary life, my junior high life, and my high school life.

Enjoy.

For Your First Steps into the Real World: (AKA Elementary Dave)

1. Greenday - Dookie.
All the songs are delightfully simple. No facemelting riffs to blow your mind, this album is like your ideal introduction to pop-punk-ska-(add additional prefix here)-rock. The simplicity is the biggest selling point, and ironically makes the music much more profound than its simple 3 note bassline would lead you to believe. The music is catchy enough that at the tender age of 11, one doesn't even notice the fact that "Longview" is a song about masturbation. But it has a kickass bassline.

2. The Offspring - Smash.
You stupid dumbshit goddamn motherfucker.
Do I really need to say any more?.

3. The Presidents of the United States of America - The Presidents of the United States of America.
These guys may have been one hit wonders, and they may have sucked ass, but even after ten years, I still can't get "Peaches" out of my head. I didn't know what the song meant then, I sure as hell don't care now. See Also: "Lump".

The Fag Years: (AKA Junior High Dave)

1. Our Lady Peace - Clumsy.
Angst-ridden, "Canadian", and horrendously whiny, this album paralleled my junior high years. The distressed warbling of Raine Maida almost made you forget that you were living a mediocre life with mediocre problems and made you believe that every little stupid shit problem you had was worth whining about in your own little journal of thoughts. (or blogs. ooooh... self deprecation)

Hey, was it just me, or was everyone ridiculously pro-canadian in junior high? Everyone watched hockey, everyone had some kind of novelty item with "Canada, Eh?" or some other propaganda etched on it. Yay, Canada, I live there! I also live on saddleback road. I didn't see too many "Saddleback Road, eh?" shirts around.

Anyway, this album had it all. In fact, I think I'm gonna go download it now.

err... purchase... at... 2:12am...

fuck you.

2. Nirvana - Nevermind.
A no-brainer.

Literally.

Honestly, how many people actually understood the lyrics of any of the songs when they were blaring it on their bright yellow Sony Walkmans? Not one of you.

But if you did, you were that creepy kid in the corner that smelled funny.

You probably also had anger problems.

3. Backstreet Boys - Millenium.
That's right, Backstreet Boys. Nothing says horny prepubescent melodrama like this shitrag album. Despite the fact that these motherfuckers were the originators of the Boy-Band movement of the late 90s (New Kids on the What?) they were quickly outclassed in every respect by their predecessors. Their musical "talent" by N'Sync, their ability to sell albums with formulaic drivel by 98 degrees, their sappy love-song pouty music and outstretching-of-the-hand choreography by Westlife (who, by the way, took a giant shit on Extreme with their "remake" of "More Than Words" which was basically the exact same song, in a higher falsetto, with a new refrain.) But the reason this album makes the list is that it was the last legitimate album I've purchased. Ever.

But you know what? Everyone claims they hated BSB, but I still secretly mouth the words everytime I hear "I Want It That Way". I'm sure you do too.

Hi, School. Blechno and Krap.

1. Some Strange Japanese Album I've Blocked Out of My Memory.

2. Some Strange Korean Album I've Blocked Out of My Memory.

3. Some Strange Techno Album I've Blocked Out of My Memory.

... Now let's never speak of high school again.

And let's never speak of this blog post again either.

WTF of the week

2005-11-03T03:22:00.000-07:00

Davespace.5k.blogspot.com

This guy posts Red Hot Chili Peppers song lyrics, Pictures of DVD box sets and "Useful Phrases in English" which he finds to be interesting.

WTF??

EDIT: This guy's a chinese fob living in Chile!

WTF FTW!!

Newsflash: Fuck You!

2005-10-27T00:36:00.000-06:00

I still around.

I write something soon, hopefully.

That all.

Procrast on, David. Procrast on.

2005-10-06T01:09:00.000-06:00

Instead of studying for my freaking midterm in two days, I took a test to see how annoying I was on "Am I Annoying?".

Here's how I did:

Quiz 1: Points: 30

Our experts are please to report that you are a tolerable, if not pleasant. You should be proud of your annoyance rating (unless you lied on your quiz, then you're a complete bastard!)

Time Spent: 3:28

Quiz 2: Your total score is: 73

Annoying
Although you could have scored worse, our experts have pinned you as being "annoying." This is nothing to worry about, but if you want people to stop making faces behind your back, it would be best if you consider some adjustments in your life.

Quiz 3: Points: 72

After extensive research, our crack team of psychologists have classified you as "moderately annoying." Not to worry though, it is perfectly acceptable to annoy others sparingly. It reminds them that you still exist.

Time Spent: 3:32

Quiz 4: Points: 93

Our professional examination has accurately assessed you as being an annoying person. Your peers don't respect you, but you get a great deal of empathy from them. Now that you are aware of your little problem, take some time each day to try and correct it. Team Annoy's Bruce advises "Choose a friend who is equally as annoying as you and practice being 'not annoying' to each other. The people who deal with you on a day-to-day basis will notice a difference within weeks and may even invite you out to lunch to celebrate your progress."

Time Spent: 2:58

I find it strange that as they "perfect" the system, I get more and more annoying.

I find it downright disturbing at how accurate quiz 4's diagnosis is.

My Own Personal Serenity...

2005-10-01T18:43:00.000-06:00

I will not be updating for a little while. Why?

1. Looking for Box Set of Battlestar Galactica.
2. Watching Box Set of Battlestar Galactica.
3. Writing Battlestar Galactica Fan-Fictions.
4. Looking for Box Set of Firefly.
5. Watching Box Set of Firefly.
6. Writing Firefly Fan-Fictions.
7. World of Warcraft.
8. Fooling around with Itunes and my new Nano.
and, somewhere in that all,
9. School.

Until then, I can only recommend that you go watch Serenity, the movie. Even if you haven't watched Firefly before, it's still pretty crazy.

Brogs?

2005-09-28T01:51:00.000-06:00

Where are all the blogs?

Laver: not updated in a month. His mind likes to wander, but it usually comes back to talk about it's adventures.
Dave Jang: not really a blog, more of a single spiteful entry... but still...
Les: not updated in over 3 weeks. Maybe a little TOO MUCH of the "jizzumz" going on there.
Rob: Seasonally titled blog and injured at the moment. He gets off easy this time...
Sunny: Life is like a box of chocolates, according to a lovable imbecile... and Forrest Gump. Seriously, please update, you loathsome genius.
Thomas: Actually updates often... But he also smells funnny.

Let this be a wake-up call. If I can begin posting regularly again, you guys can too.

Please.

I'm so lonely...

Those Bastards...

2005-09-27T18:51:00.000-06:00

Reading the World of Warcraft forums today, I noticed something eerily disturbing. It all started when I clicked on the topic, Blue, why is balnazzar alive? In the post, the hapless WoW addict asks why Balnazzar, a major villain in Warcraft III has magically been resurrected. He cites blizzard's own summary of the events:

"Sylvanas, Varimathras, and Garithos approached Balnazzar, and Sylvanas ordered Varimathras to kill his brother as a testament to his loyalty to her. Varimathras was abhored. Killing another Nathrezim was forbidden, but Sylvanas was adament. Balnazzar was sure that Varimathras would never take that final step. But he did anyway, and murdered Balnazzar." (I like how Varimathras went from being "abhored" to "but he did anyway").

A valid observation from the gamer. The gamers then explain the event using Warcraft mythos:

"Nathrazhiem are masters of necromantic magiks, he probably was ressurected by minions or some crap like that. (I agree, it's stupid, but that's what a CM would tell you)"

"It is to my understanding that demons are not as linked to their physical forms as are normal mortals. Therefore, if a demon should die, he is simply returned to the Twisting Nether. It is conceivable that this happened to Balnazaar and that he has returned.

You might ask, well what about Archimonde? Shouldn't he come back with a vengeance? It's also theorized that the nature of the trap that Malfurion set for Archimonde caused him to be utterly destroyed, with no possibility of return.

Does that help clear things up? Again, the whole part about the demons and the Twisting Nether is speculation, it's just something I've heard that may be true."

First, what completely boggles my mind about the second loser's post is that supposedly "It is(vague reference!) to my understanding that demons are not as linked to their physical forms as are normal mortals." (because, you know, a demon told you so) and that "It is (another vague reference! Who are you trying to impress with your crappy english?) conceivable that this happened to Balnazaar and that he has returned." If Demons can die and all of a sudden reappear a little while later wreaking havoc on the world again, then why the fuck would they be so "abhored" with killing each other? It's like me getting pissed off if someone cut my fingernails for me.

Secondly, I find it disconcerting that no blizzard employee needs to come forward to explain what was really going on. These nerds used their nerd-knowledge to explain it themselves. They've created a universe so diabolical that geeks try to logically explain continuity errors.

You Blizzard folks... I'm onto you.... But first, another round of Arathi Basin.... Mmmmm.. honor points...

Dave Apologizes!

2005-09-20T00:58:00.000-06:00

Edmonton, AB. The self-proclaimed King of Everything, David Chung, has issued an apology today for his rampant disregard for updating his Weblog.

"I sincerely apologize for not updating for so long. My Weblog - or Blog, as I like to call it - has been neglected for far too long. I vow to rectify the situation."

Chung, 21, is infamous for his sharp wit, biting satire and raw plagiarism. When queried further on what he will write about, the statuesque man replied, "Oh, I have a few tricks up my sleeve. But you'll all just have to wait to find out."

The "blog" has become a well-respected institution on the internet. Most people use the medium as an online diary of sorts, to update readers on their boring lives. Chung's is no different. His "blog," Davespace 5000, was established earlier this year and has achieved a small cult following of other Blog Owners. "It's complete garbage," says one friend, who asked not to be identified. "He's so full of himself that it's funny. But at the same time, it's not."

Public Service Announcement #1

2005-09-12T00:09:00.000-06:00

To our dear friend Rob Boothe: Get Well Soon.

... And to the stalkers of Rob Boothe, You may pay homage to him at the Royal Alexandra Hospital on the 2nd Floor, Unit 21, Room 23.

Odds and Ends and Such... and Poo.

2005-09-09T01:23:00.000-06:00

Like Lazarus's reincarnation and just as miraculous...
My x-box has risen from the dead. We must thank Joe Uhren, a true miracle worker in our troubled age. In order to give you a better idea of the true beauty of Chester's magical redemption from the depths of electronic hell, I've written the timeline of his first few test runs:

Aug 22: Chester is repaired and ready to go. I hug my X-Box for about 5 straight minutes. In front of a group of people. I think they're creeped out.
Aug 23: Test out Madden 06. Runs smoothly.
Aug 25: Jade Empire works. Don't feel like playing.
Aug 27: Tried to load up Jade Empire bonus disc and Halo 2 multiplayer maps. Didn't work. Tried to play Halo 2. Dirty Disc Error. Can't find most of my X-Box games.

I hate my X-Box.

WoW!
My hunter is level 31 on World of Warcraft. What's especially interesting is that I've had two separate, but equally successful Gnomeregan runs in the last couple of days. We managed to go through the entire first half of the instance without aggroing ridiculous amounts of mobs or being victimized by excessive n00bage. I finished 6/7 gnomer quests, which leave the main quest in which I can finally get my fucking Triprunner Dungarees. Now as soon as I get those I'll be able to finish the Dark Iron Dwarf Quests in the Wetlands and possibly move onto Southshore, Arathi, and even Stranglethorn Vale. But then I'd be in for a stupid number of Scarlet Monastery Runs. And we all know how boring those are.

I have no life.

Dave Recommends Shit! (Well not shit, but stuff)
Listen to Antony and the Johnsons. He's androgenously spectacular!

Watch Old Boy and Crash. They're cinematically fantabulous!

Play The Incredible Hulk: Ultimate Destruction. It's..... uh... hulkulously smasherrific?

Edurcashun are Importent.
Class seems interesting. I should really go to my classes this year, considering I have a lot to get done if I want to graduate in the next two years and there's gonna be a lot of readings in all of my courses.

Go Eagles!
I'm skipping my monday lab to watch Monday Night Football. Go Eagles!

YTMND.com: Cesspool?
Can you believe the audacity of some people? There's this huge tragedy in America and people make cruel, crude, and downright bizarre jokes at their misfortune. What is this world coming to?

Although the Sim City one was delightfully witty.

Don't you hate it when things don't end properly?
Yeah, me too.

Let's File It Under "B" for "Boring"...

2005-08-17T18:42:00.000-06:00

The updates have been few and far between in these here parts. While three days is not my record for not updating this space of mine, compared to my prolific updating in the last couple of weeks, it's borderline scandalous.

The truth is, nothing interesting has happened to me. Nothing even worthy of "altering" to seem more interesting. I can't make a story about getting burned by popcorn oil seem more interesting than it is. Unless of course, that oil happened to be emitting gamma radiation, mutating me into a copyright-infringing version of the Hulk™. So instead of writing a semi-witty/semi-humorous/semi-sane post, I'll give you one nugget of wisdom from the ol' Dave-meister.

Popcorn burns, indigestion and lack of sleep are not interesting topics for a good blog.

That is all. What more do you want from me? I don't owe you anything. (Except Rob. I'll have your money soon)

Music that is good:
Franz Ferdinand - "Do You Want To",
Kanye West - "Gold Digger"
Movie that is good:
Sin City.

Next update: Popcorn burn shaped like the pope...?

R.I.P. Chester...

2005-08-14T21:29:00.000-06:00

We are gathered here today to mourn the passing of Chester.

Chester was a great friend to any who crossed his path. Whenever anyone wanted to go have a good time, Chester was always game. No matter what activity, be it Beach Volleyball, Football or even a game of Street Basketball, he would always be ready to go. Yet regardless of how violent the games got, he managed to maintain a high level of professionalism and innocence; he always seemed to have an angelic halo above his head. He never lost his temper, and always kept his temper, even in the face of Furious Ming, Tiger Woods or even Roy Jones Jr.

For the last month, Chester was sick. His best friend, Dave, had betrayed him and led him astray. Dave kept pushing him to more and more dangerous heights, until Chester was no longer what he once was. The wonderful being he once was became an evil, ill-tempered beast. Refusing to do any kind of work, he sat in his basement and slept, occaisionally awakened by Dave only to act up and freak out on him. He kept getting sicker, but by then we had already begun to suspect that Chester's time would come soon.

It did. Earlier this afternoon at approximately 7:30 pm MST, the light in Chester went out for the last time.

But he would not have wanted us to grieve for him, he would have wanted us to live on. He gave us the courage to do things we had never done before; to break boundaries and become all that we could be. It was his call of duty. So as we lay him to rest today, we remember not Chester in his last days, lights blinking red and green; We remember when he would glow a solid green, to let us know that all was right in the world. We don't remember his temper tantrums, but instead his ability to play Super Nintendo and Gameboy Advance roms. And no matter what happens, we'll always remember his last words.

Please Contact Microsoft Support.

We remember Chester, the X-Box.

See you later buddy, I guess you've given your last Dirty Disc Error.

Chester
Console system, DVD player, Friend.
2003-2005.

(Note: I subconsciously stole this idea from Chris Laver. Sorry Chris, I guess you actually taught ME how to both rock -and- roll.)

Rampant Failure of a Post Ep.I - Interview with a Jackass.

2005-08-13T02:05:00.000-06:00

The Idea: Message random people on my MSN list and pretend they're being interviewed.
The Result: The single worst waste of an hour in the history of time-wasting.

Exhibit A: *Due to personal request, this part has been removed.*

Besides, if you're reading this, you're wasting your time right now. Go do something productive.

Exhibit B: Geoff Tan.
Dave - http://davespace5k.blogspot.com/ says:Welcome to the show, Mr. Tan. How goes the World of Warcraft Realm?
ricefarmer - PSP is so hot says:errrrrr
ricefarmer - PSP is so hot says:training to be a game master or what
Dave - http://davespace5k.blogspot.com/ says:Haha, you are too funny Mr. Tan. Any updates on the X-box project of 2005?
ricefarmer - PSP is so hot says:nope
ricefarmer - PSP is so hot says:you pwned that xbox good
ricefarmer - PSP is so hot says:not sure if i can fix it
Dave - http://davespace5k.blogspot.com/ says:(I hope you've noticed my flagrant whoring of my Blog by putting the address in my MSN name) Haha. What kind of a moron would fry his own X-box?
ricefarmer - PSP is so hot says:fried isn't the right term
ricefarmer - PSP is so hot says:the file system is just broken
ricefarmer - PSP is so hot says:there is no physical damage
Conversation degenerates into x-box talk. until...
Dave - http://davespace5k.blogspot.com/ says:Speaking of Soda, have you tried the new Crush Sour Apple?
ricefarmer - PSP is so hot says:no
ricefarmer - PSP is so hot says:how is it
Dave - http://davespace5k.blogspot.com/ says:Its good.
At which point I can only assume Geoff has become fed up with my Antics and stopped bothering to read or respond to my messages anymore.

Summary: I miss my X-Box.

Exhibit C: Parts of everyone else.
Some of the more memorable quotes during this whole experiment:

Dave - http://davespace5k.blogspot.com/ says:Hello Mei, I'm glad you could make it all they way from Toronto for the show. I really appreciate it.
mei - what's going on!?!? says:Hahaha strange man
Dave - http://davespace5k.blogspot.com/ says:Thank you. You're a very bizarre lady.
mei - what's going on!?!? says:aahaha shudduuuupppp
mei - what's going on!?!? says:i eenjoy ur blogs! hehehe
mei - what's going on!?!? says:ok i
mei - what's going on!?!? says:m going to sleep
mei - what's going on!?!? says:but u can talk to pat
mei - what's going on!?!? says:he is using my cputer
mei - what's going on!?!? says:GNITE!!!
Dave - http://davespace5k.blogspot.com/ says:alright
Dave - http://davespace5k.blogspot.com/ says:what's up pat
No Response.

Summary: My friends no longer want to talk to me.

Dave - http://davespace5k.blogspot.com/ says: So I hear you're a sunday school teacher now. What is that like?
leah.. says: hahah
leah.. says: uh... good.. a little stressful sometimes..
leah.. says: why are you acting like that?
Dave - http://davespace5k.blogspot.com/ says: har har, we both know the only qualified actor here is Brad Pitt.
leah.. says: omg yorue so weird

Summary: omg, I'm so weird.

Dave - http://davespace5k.blogspot.com/ says: Welcome to the show, Daniel. How does it feel to be related to one of the most handsome men in the world?
dann says: Leave me alone.

Summary: My brother has officially become cooler than me.

I Hate 18 Year Olds...

2005-08-11T19:28:00.000-06:00

I was looking through some old CDs that I had found in a shoebox under my desk and found a backup CD full of my old documents from a few years ago. I managed to find most of my old blog entries back when I was a not-so-fresh faced lad out of high school.

But the problem was.. well, you can see for yourself what the problem was. I dug up a post I made 3 years ago almost to the day. So without further ado, here it is:

(Editor's Note: These will appear throughout the post as Dave at 21 critiquing Dave at 18. They did not appear with the original post.)

Late Night with Dave Episode 9: Them Crazy Asians
Asians - or AzNs as some pubescent and mildly retarded asian people like to type - are a strange group of people. While I don't appreciate AzN pride in any way, shape or form, (Editor's Note: For not liking "AzN" pride, you seem to use the word AzN a lot.) I do have a bit of a morbid fascination with it. What can we truly be proud about? Let's have a look, shall we?

Asians were the first intelligent monkey-men. (Editor's Note: where the fuck did this idea come from? I can't believe I actually found an article about this.) This should come as a surprise to few. How many times have you been jealous of that one nerdy asian kid with the suspenders who sits in front of you and gets 100% on every math exam? Never, for me, because I was that asian kid. (Though I assure you, I only wear suspenders now for special occasions.) (Editor's Note: Just so you know, I've never worn suspenders in my life, I failed both Math 31 and 113, and I don't think I've ever gotten 100% in anything.) But is this something that you, an asian, can truly be proud of? If so, you're fucking retarded. were you around 45 million years ago? Have you ever met an 45 million year old asian monkey? I'm pretty sure most of those monkeys at Joint aren't 45 million years old. they can barely pull off 18. The point is, how can you be proud of something you had ABSOLUTELY nothing to do with? So what if korea came close to winning the world cup? why are you celebrating? Did you help train them? Did you sponsor them? you didn't even grow ONE grain of the 50 tons or rice they've eaten in their boring, japanese-cloned lives. Fuck koreans. (Editor's Note: Wow.)

Asian Men cannot and SHOULD not grow facial hair. (Editor's Note: Haha, showed you..) No matter how much we want to. That dirty stache you had when you started going through puberty notwithstanding, you will never be able to grow noticable facial hair. Don't get me wrong, I wish I could grow a goatee. A REAL one. But it's not to be. I grow 3 hairs on my face. LONG hairs. hairs that curl and envelop my face. It's quite remarkable actually.

Asian Women don't age. Lets face it. that cute chick on the street? could be 35 for all you know. (Editor's Note: MILF!) them asian ladies look like they did as teens, with a curly perm-fro. On the surface this is a good thing. you could have a 39 year old wife who looks as youthful as ever. But there's a catch, which i'll define as my second Davfinition (Editor's Note: Davfinition? what the fuck was I on?):Asian Shrivel, The - a condition present in most asian females which causes massive wrinkling and rapid aging around 40 years of age.As soon as the big 4-0 hits, that face shrivels up faster than a salt water fish in fresh water (PLEASE tell me someone understands that analogy). (Editor's Note: Considering the analogy is in reverse, I would hope not.) then you're left with a raisin who nags and yells at people in their native language.

I wish i had more to write about, but i didn't know what i was getting into. I thought i could make this intellectual, but i gave up after the first one. (Editor's Note: Or you gave up before you even started.) Goddamn i'm sick. I'm off to drink some neo citran.

-----

Well, that was terrible. Hopefully I've matured as a person as much as I feel I have as a writer. The writing in this post was juvenile, and I used a shitload of words that I barely understood in order to seem intelligent. I used racism and angry ranting as a substitute for humor, not realizing that the only people who would find it funny were people that were as immature as I was. After reading this over I came to a realization.

I don't hate asian people anymore.

But I do hate 18 year olds.

Weekly Recommendations:
Music: MADDEN 06
Why: Shut up. Go play Madden.

Movies: MADDEN 06
Why: Why are you still here?

A Dog Bit My Foot Today...

2005-08-10T23:45:00.000-06:00

Day 5 of this miraculous wondervirus I've contracted. Why is it a wondervirus you ask?

I'll chart the evolution of this stupid cold/food poisoning/fever/demonspawn disease from my recollection of each of the five days I've been afflicted.

WARNING: THE FOLLOWING POST GOES INTO SOME DETAIL ABOUT MY BOWEL MOVEMENTS. YOU MAY WANT TO SKIP THE FOLLOWING IF YOU HAVE SOME RESERVATIONS ABOUT POO.

haha. I said poo.

Day 0 (Friday, August 5): Cheap Drunkeness.
After spending an hour at Original Joe's with Gugens and Dave Jang (3 daves!), I got unusually buzzed off a beer and a rye and coke. A hint of a sickness? Most people would enact some sort of countermeasures to try to prevent the onset of disease. Sleeping with heatpacks, drinking lots of fluids, sleeping in, etc.

I slept in the nude.

I ate, but didn't drink anything.

I woke up after 6 hours.

Day 1 (Saturday, August 6): Stomach Flu-ish.
I woke up to feeling an intense muscular pain. Very unusual, considering my lack of muscles. I figured it was a semi-hangover. But my head was fine and my eyes were as white as mormons. Still, I couldn't help but feel something bad was going to happen in the coming days. I had an unpleasant surprise in the bathroom later.

The Runs.

After the dam broke, my stomach was in constant upheaval. My body was threatening to expel waste either upstairs or downstairs for the entire day. And because fate has such a wonderful sense of humor, I remembered I had to be at work in about 20 minutes. I decided to shower as quick as I could, and pray my stomach would be strong enough to keep me socially acceptable.

Thankfully, I managed to get through a 6 hour shift, a birthday BBQ, and a 10 minute car ride home, to make it home in time for a prayer to the porcelain god. After I finished with that, I went to bed. I was so thankful that I didn't have to work the next day.

Little did I know, the next day would be worse...

Day 2 (Sunday, August 7): Fever.
I woke up an hour late for church. Thankfully, my bowels had settled down, no longer threatening to empty itself in an unfortunate public display. I sat down and played some Katamari Damacy (See Previous Post) while I enjoyed the most intestinal security I'd felt in about 26 hours. Once I had finished playing, I stood up, and I felt as though the inside of my watermelon sized head expanded to the size of twelve beach balls. This was a very big problem. I still had to pick up my brother from church. But I couldn't move unless I wanted my head to explode. So I played some more Katamari Damacy.

Day 3 (Monday, August 8): Fuck.
My Head still hurt, my throat got itchy, my eyes started burning and my sinuses clogged up. Barely surviving on flavored tea and kleenexes (see previous post), I managed to finish the most non-sensical rambling I'd written yet (If you haven't read the previous post yet, you really should just go read that shit first.) and to drag my ass down to work for another 6 hour shift. Hurrah.

After suffering through that hell, what did I do next? Did I go to sleep as soon as I got home? Did I get some tylenol cold to ease my pain? Halls? Fisherman's Friend?

I went to BPs and ate a shitload of tabasco.

I really am a Moron.

Day 4 (Tuesday, August 9): ...
I worked a five hour shift as soon as I woke up. The symptoms I had the day before was still pretty bad, but getting a little better. I still had trouble forming coherent thoughts, much less coherent words. After I got home, I got bitched out by the family for not being home for enough family dinners, so I stayed home until about 10 o'clock, missing the first half of Andrew's birthday. My only solace was Madden 06. mmm... Madden 06....

At 10, I went to karaoke. I think I infected everyone there.

Happy Birthday, Andrew.

Day 5 (Wednesday, August 10): The Worst Day Yet.
I think the sickness has pretty much run it's course.

My coughs are not dry anymore. They have phlegm in them.

My head no longer hurts, my poo is normal, my sinuses are clear, and my eyes aren't burning.

So why is today the worst day yet?

The Abadiano Dog bit my foot today.

I think I have Rabies.

I hate Colds.

2005-08-08T15:29:00.000-06:00

You know how people always say, "I should really have a pen and paper handy the next time I'm high. That way, I'll know if whatever it is I'm thinking about really is that profound."

Well I'm not high. But I'm sick as a Goat.

Let the hilarities begin.

I've now drank 3 cups of apple cinnamon Tea. Before that, I had 3 cups of some weird, almost flavorless tea. It could very well have been food colouring in a teabag, for all I knew. I hope there isn't TOO much caffeine in tea. My head is starting to throb. With the amount of tea in my system, I have to go to the bathroom about every 30 minutes. but every time I stand my lazy ass up, my head explodes. This is a very big problem.

I really should shower.

Virtually everyone on my MSN list changes their font to some degree. But no one ever italicizes their font. I think I'll start doing that.

It occurs to me that I haven't eaten anything in about 27 hours. is it "feed a cold, starve a fever," or "feed a fever, starve a cold"? If anyone knows, please enlighten me.

My x-box isn't working. I'm sad.

I've been playing this incredibly strange game called "Katamari Damacy". Basically, you play a little green alien guy, whose father - who looks like an intergalactic pimp - has just destroyed all the stars in the universe. so basically, you have to go to earth, start rolling random shit up into giant balls of junk. It completely boggles my mind. you can roll up humans, cows, dogs, buildings, octopi, Godzilla, and much more. Not only that, the soundtrack is insidiously addictive. play it if you get the chance.

My head hurts. But stay tuned for my review of this post when I'm not sick anymore.

if that ever happens...

The Problem with Batman (or Batmen, for that matter)

2005-07-06T17:24:00.000-06:00

Now a couple days ago, I was working and went outside for a smoke break. As I was leaving, I made a shitty joke which went something as follows, "If you need me, feel free to use the bat signal." Yeah. Not very funny. But for the entire five minutes in the car, I sat and thought about the Bat-Signal and other Bat-ideas. I reached the conclusion that the Bat-Signal itself was flawed.

My Reasoning:
1. The Signal is your standard Spotlight, as illustrated by the multitude of shots in the movies as well as in the comic book. About 10 feet in diameter, really bright. But remember that Gotham city is approximately the size of Chicago (and in Batman Begins, it looks more like new york as far as its dimensions go). Batman/Bruce Wayne lives outside of Gotham in a giant mansion. What are the odds that he'll see the signal from that far away? What if it's a really clear night?

2. Now ignore fact #1. Just pretend he's got some flunky in town telling him about the signal, and he gets a call to go to Gotham or something. Despite the fact that he has a crazy car, he still has to drive all the way from his mansion in the country to the middle of downtown ASAP. I'd guess the trip would take ~20-30 mins at the very least. What are the odds that the criminals, whoever they are, are gonna be sticking around for a full half hour? an even better question, if Batman can see the Bat-Signal from outside the city, how come the criminals don't demand that the police not use the signal? It's gonna be pretty tough to sneak a giant bright symbol in the sky until Batman comes. In fact, are the Gotham City cops so inept that they can't think of anything to do that could help resolve the problem in 20-30 minutes? And if so, does Batman get any false alarms? Crank Calls even?

So because of this, one COULD argue that the most realistic Batman to date was Adam West's, who had a red phone instead of a bat-signal.

Don't even get me started on my "Who's cooler, Harry Potter or Luke Skywalker" argument.

That's all for today.